Three Cats and a Baby

No Shampoo

2012-01-25T19:40:00.002-05:00

I have been doing the no shampoo thing for a week and a half now. Any of you tried it?

I want to like it. I really do. It's cheaper and so much better for the environment.

But, it's really not working for me.

I feel like it's really hard to cover all my hair since the baking soda and water don't lather up like shampoo does. And it doesn't seem to be cleaning my hair at all.

In the beginning it was okay, but now my hair just keeps getting more and more oily. I thought maybe adding more baking soda would work, but it's just getting worse. My roots are fine, but the rest of it feels like I left conditioner in and forgot to wash it out.

I've been mixing baking soda and water to clean my hair and then rinsing with apple cider vinegar and water. Last night I tried putting some baking soda straight on my hair and then rinsing it out and then washing with the baking soda and water mix. Even that didn't work.

If any of you want to talk me out of quiting now...please do :) Am I doing something wrong?

Going With My Gut

2012-01-17T16:13:00.000-05:00

Jayden has never been a good sleeper.

As a newborn he had colic. It was really, really hard. I didn't write about it much because I was worried it would seem like I wasn't thankful for him. I was SO thankful for him that I didn't want to complain. It was week after week of getting no sleep and him just screaming all night. Even now when he doesn't sleep, I think back at that time and I am thankful at least he's not screaming all night like he used to.

Once colic was over, he had a period of sleeping well, especially during the months we were able to swaddle him. We moved him from a bassinet next to us to his own crib in his own room. He did fine, although he was still getting up for bottles during the night for a long time. He was on the lower side of weight so his doctor said he probably needed the calories and it was fine.

He was never able to just be put down in his crib without us rocking him to sleep and then putting him down. We tried the whole sleep training thing and it was hellish. It felt wrong. He cried. I cried. Adam and I took turns on who was the strong one and who wanted to give up. It had mixed results. It would kind of work and then something would happen like teething or sickness. At it's very best, it resulted in Jayden sleeping until maybe 4 or 5 and then we would go get him and he would sleep another hour or so in bed with us. He still wasn't able to be just put down in his crib and then go to sleep on his own.

If sleep training meant crying for a night or two and then he could sleep on his own and knew how to self soothe, then great. But that was not the case for Jayden. And one thing I know for sure is that I don't have the stomach for listening to him cry on a regular basis.

In mid December Jayden got a cold. He has never done well with colds. He will wake up during he night and freak out that he can't breathe. So, when he has been sick in the past, we've often just let him sleep with us. His cold seemed to last forever and then it turned into his first ear infection right before Christmas. While we were at the doctor, she also said he has three teeth new teeth coming. Well, that explained the sleepless nights.

It really got me thinking about how awful I would have felt if we hadn't let him sleep with us during that time. Even worse, what if we let him cry in his crib during that time?

I read this post from Phd In Parenting and some other similar ones and they said a lot of what my gut has been telling me about our situation.

{Note- If you have done CIO or other forms of sleep training and they worked for you, that's awesome. You'll get no judgement from me. I think sometimes sleep training means less crying overall. It just didn't work for us and I felt strongly that it was damaging in our situation.}

After a few nights of trying to get Jayden to transition back to his crib after he was sick, I made a joke on twitter: "I give up. Jayden can sleep in our bed until he goes to college."

I was only half joking.

We gave up the struggle. We've been letting him sleep in our bed. And guess what? Everyone is getting sleep. There are no middle of the night trips up the stairs to get screaming Jayden. Adam doesn't have to spend an hour upstairs trying to get him to sleep in his crib at bedtime. When I take him into bed and he goes to sleep, we don't have to tip toe him upstairs and hope he makes the transition. We just let him sleep. And it's nice.

Jayden used to sleep maybe 8 or 9 hours a night at best. With at least one wake up during that time. He now sleeps 12 hours a night. Straight through.

Without bedtime stress, the atmosphere is much lighter in the evenings. Sunday night I gave him a nice long bath, put him in his nighttime diaper and PJs, we sang a song together, and then we cuddled in bed and he fell asleep. It was so nice. He ended up sleeping for 13 hours.

He has even started signing to me that he is sleepy. One day he signed "sleep," I brought him in the bed and he took a long nap. It's like now he isn't afraid of sleeping and doesn't need to fight it. (His new thing is to sign "sleep" when he wants his pacifier because he knows he can only have it to sleep! Although him wanting it and being sleepy often go hand in hand.)

I've noticed that the better he sleeps, the better he eats too. That is great news since he is small for his age.

Jayden has always cried immediately when he wakes up. He can be sound asleep one second and then standing and screaming the next. (I've seen it on the video monitor.) One change I've noticed in our bed is him waking up happy. A few times I've seen him wake up and just lay there smiling, playing with his paci, or babbling to himself. I've heard of kids waking up and just playing in their crib for a while and that always amazed me. It's nice to see Jayden doing a little of that.

One night this week he had a (very rare) pee leak and after we changed his diaper and pajamas, turned the lights off, and all got back into bed, we heard him kind of humming or singing to himself. It was funny and quite adorable. I realized he was soothing himself back to sleep. A skill Jayden had never had before. I guess being in a comfortable place he feels safe, he is now (finally!) learning self soothing.

It's so nice to be able to talk to Adam the next day about how cute or cuddly Jayden was in bed. That sure beats us trying to piece together the awful night we had before. "What time did he get up? When did he come to bed with us? How many times did he wake up? What time was it when __ happened?"

I've spent so much time worrying and obsessing over Jayden's sleeping. When he was 14 months I posted on facebook about it and had a huge response from people writing about their babies and toddlers not sleeping. And how much pressure gets put on you when you have a child that doesn't sleep.

Have you ever noticed that when you have a baby people tend to ask- "Is he a good baby? Does he sleep through the night?" How are you supposed to answer that if you have a child like Jayden? No, I don't have one of those "good" babies.

Anyway, I haven't written about sleep much...probably because I've been too tired to really get into it (haha)...but I wanted to write this post for any of you that are struggling with sleep issues. You are not alone. You are not a bad parent. And if you are considering co-sleeping, there is no reason to feel bad about it. It doesn't mean you failed at anything. You're just trying to do what's best for your family. I needed to hear that, so I wanted to say it to you in case you needed to hear it.

For right now we have a solution that results in Jayden being healthy. Sleeping and eating. I am at peace with this.

Photo Shoot

2012-01-11T17:48:00.000-05:00

Since my blog has been a total downer lately, I decided to share some pictures taken during a photo shoot in November.

It's been a really hard week, but these pictures make me smile. Thank you so much for all the support on my recent posts. It means so much to me to know I am not alone.

Letting Go Is Not My Specialty

2012-01-07T09:52:00.000-05:00

The background for this post, can be found here.

I couldn't get over the feeling that this whole thing was just a misunderstanding that got blown out of proportion. Surely if we talked it out, she wouldn't pull her kids from coming here over something so small.

Since she refused from the very beginning to talk to me about it at all, I decided to write her a letter. I explained in detail how I went about making the decision to call her. I told her what the daughter told me and why that information made the phone call necessary. That I was following common daycare protocol and it wasn't easy for me. I didn't want to make the call. And I said that it's hard for me to balance the needs of the families I watch with the needs of my own family. I really opened up to her and told her how much her children meant to me and that Jayden loves them. I told her about how well they've gotten into the routine here and told her about some of the things we've been doing. She isn't the one who picks the kids up so she doesn't really know. I thought the letter would help.

I haven't seen her since this all happened. She says goodbye in the driveway in the morning and stays out of view of me and her husband picks up in the afternoon. He has been acting completely normal- talking and playing with Jayden, talking with Adam and I, and acting like we're friends. It's nice to keep things normal and not feel awkward, but it's also hard to carry on like nothing is wrong. While we're laughing about something together I want to scream- YOU ARE RUINING OUR LIFE. It just doesn't sit well with me. The kids take forever to say goodbye to Jayden everyday. Lots of hugs, etc. I don't understand how he can watch that and it not have any impact on what's going on. They're sad saying goodbye for one night but they're going to pull the kids forever? My cheeks are always bright red by the time they leave. This is so hard on me.

I gave them the letter on Tuesday and never got a response. Then on Friday the kids told me they will be going to a new daycare. Logically I guess I knew the letter wouldn't make a difference. When someone is that mean to you they aren't going to change their mind. But, hearing it from the kids was like a punch in the stomach. It hurt so bad. They told me they will be going to the daycare their baby sister goes, which means one less stop for them both in the morning and afternoon. I am sure they are pleased with that and aren't even giving me a second though.

I barely held it together until they got picked up and then I broke down.

When they started here, we talked in detail about it's hard to get new kids mid year so I wanted to be sure they were committed to a full year. (If she wasn't sure, I was going to put an ad in the paper to get one more child.) She knows what this is doing to us. She also knows everything about the other two kids we lost due to their dad losing his job. She knows how serious this is. I just can't believe she would do this. The issue isn't the quality of care her children are getting. Or whether they are happy here. She's mad she didn't get away with sending a sick child here. And because of that she is fine with hurting a family like this. Even after my letter. I just can't get over how mean that is.

I have no control over this so I need to let it go. Letting things go is not my specialty.

I still have another whole week of them coming. Dragging this out is painful. I wish I could afford to tell them to never come back.

Post Christmas Blues

2012-01-06T11:34:00.000-05:00

Thank you so much for all the support on this post. It meant a lot to me because the whole situation left me feeling really bad.

I am not usually one for making New Year's resolutions, but this whole thing is forcing us into some major life changes.

Of course all extras like Netflix were cancelled right away. (sad trombone)

Adam has gone back to cutting his own hair like in college days. I'll just be skipping haircuts for the next few months. And my mom is going to cut Jay's hair. (Eek. I'm way too nervous to do it myself.)

We're trying to make meals with whatever we already had in the house. My mom said to think of it like we're on the show 'Chopped' and can only cook with the ingredients they give us. It's not quite as fun as my mom has tried to make it out to be.

No more eating out, ordering in, or short cuts in the kitchen. I have to go back to real cooking from scratch with cheap ingredients. Not easy with a toddler screaming at you while you cook.

My parents are going to have us over once a week for dinner so that will help a little. Plus Jay eats so well when we go there so that will be nice.

Clothes....well, who are we kidding, the budget for that was gone long ago. My clothes are so ratty and old, but I guess that's the benefit of never leaving the house. It doesn't matter what I am wearing. Jay should be good on clothes for a while because he has a bunch of stuff that is too big for him. (Thank goodness for the consignment shop.)

It's not like we've ever been big spenders. I've never had a massage, facial, manicure or pedicure in my life. I don't own nice jewelry. I don't wear make up (with the exception of maybe some foundation every once in a while.) I have a worn out pair of sketchers and one pair of black dress shoes. Yeah, I'm not fancy.

The truth is most of our money goes right into bills. Student loans, our huge adoption loan, credit cards, medical bills, etc. That's what is scary. There is not much more to cut. We're just simply left with not being able to pay our bills. The anxiety around this consumes me.

I haven't had any response from craigslist, but that's not surprising since it's the middle of the school year.

One of the biggest goals for the new year is to fight off depression. This whole thing has left me feeling really bad about myself. Even though I don't think the decision I made was wrong, I still feel bad that they would react so drastically. Like I can be replaced without a second thought.

I've been left with a lot of time to think. And overthink. I wouldn't change staying home to take care of Jayden for anything in the world, but sometimes it's hard to be alone all day with no adult interaction. Adam had off over christmas and now that's he's gone back to work, it feels so lonely here. My siblings were all home for the holidays and now they're gone too. I don't get to leave the house much. I don't even shower everyday. I honestly appreciate everyday I get to spend with Jay. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. But sometimes the day in and day out of trying to get a stubborn toddler to eat and sleep can make someone go crazy. Honestly there are days where my whole life is about getting as much food into Jayden as I can. Now adding in my inability to earn any real income, my self esteem is really taking a hit.

I can't help but think the longer this goes on, the more our chances of ever adopting again are being ruined. Not only are we not saving any money right now, but we're going deeper in debt. I don't know if we're ever going to dig ourselves out of debt enough to start the process again. That breaks my heart. It seems more and more people I know with toddlers are pregnant with their second child.

I'm sorry for the whiny post. Like I've said before, therapy is expensive. Blogging is free.

15 Months

2012-01-05T19:00:00.000-05:00

I can't believe what a little person Jayden has become.

He has about 10 words he says sort of regularly now and often he randomly says a new word and then doesn't say it again. Just recently he said "ga-ma" for the first time to my mom. It was amazing.

He has a lot of signs that he uses. A few of them off the top of my head are- more, milk, baby, car, ball, cracker, banana, shoes, diaper, dad, grandpa (he uses the same sign to mean grandma), cat, dog, bird, fish, and sleep.

He's a goofball. He makes me laugh everyday.

He loves to climb and get into all sorts of trouble. If you try to hide something from him, he will find it. If you try to put it up high so he can't reach it, he will climb and get it.

He loves bath time.

He's even gotten in by himself with his clothes on and sat in his bath seat.

Jayden's favorite foods are kiwi, banana, cheddar cheese, sweet potatoes, veggie quesadillas, grilled cheese, greek yogurt, veggie burgers and bean burritos. He hates his high chair. He would much rather eat this way:

Or like this....

As he falls asleep, he folds his hands like this:

Which makes me heart melt.

*Note- I thought I hit publish on this weeks ago, but I foud it sitting in my drafts!*

Screwed.

2011-12-31T09:48:00.000-05:00

I started off this school year watching five children. Three of them were part time, two were everyday. I used to have a bigger group, but with Jayden, this was a good number to have.

The only thing that made me nervous was that there are only three families for those five kids. Two families had two kids coming here, which meant if something happened like a parent lost their job, I would lose two children instead of just one.

Also, the new family with two kids is related to the other family of two kids. The moms are sisters. The first family has been coming for 4 years so I didn't think it would be a problem, but it's a lot of my income tied to just one extended family.

I checked and double checked with the new family (with two children) that they were sure they needed a full year of care. I know from experience that I can get kids in late summer for the Fall, but it's next to impossible to get new kids in the middle of the school year.

She reassured me she is a planner and likes to look at things ahead of time. She even went over with me that in the winter things might slow down for a month or two....and we agreed on a great summer schedule that worked well with the other family.

Then in October, some very bad news came. One of the parents lost his job. I was devastated. Not just because of the money, but because they had been coming here for four years and I couldn't believe I wouldn't be seeing them all the time. (Also, I've been very worried about them and their situation.)

They kept sending the kids for as long as they could, but by early November they could no longer afford to send them. They still have their bus stops at my house in hopes that they can come again when their Dad starts working again.

It's been really hard financially. We've been struggling just to get by. Mostly because we were already financially hurting from the adoption. We've been waiting for the adoption tax credit so we can finally pay off our huge adoption loan (that we've been making payments on for three years.)

And then it happened.....

On Thursday the sister and brother got dropped off here. It's christmas break so it was supposed to be for all day. The girl says to me that she can't play with Jayden because of her eye. I immediately went on high alert that she was here with something contagious. I asked her what is wrong with her eye and she said she didn't know, but her Mom was calling the doctor and getting her medicine. I immediately thought of pink eye and got scared. I separated her from the rest of the group. I asked her if anything has come out of her eye and she said green stuff.

I called her mom (who didn't say a word to me when she dropped the kids off quickly) and asked her about it. She said she didn't know what it was. She thought maybe it was an allergic reaction because of something she was exposed to the day before. But, wouldn't that be in both eyes? And it certainly would not mean green stuff is coming out of it. Allergies would would be clear.

I explained to her that a friend recently had pink eye at her daycare and had to close and she got it and everything. It's not fair to put everyone here at risk. Adam would have to miss work if he got it. I'd have to close the daycare if I got it. Poor Jayden is just getting over an ear infection and is getting three new teeth. This is the last thing we need.

I've worked in daycare for 15 years. If a child is having a discharge from their eye, they need to see a doctor and can't return to daycare until they have a note saying they don't have pink eye. This is common across the country.

Her kids have never been to a daycare (they went to Grandma and Grandpa's house) before so maybe she didn't know. But, if you think about it, it makes sense. How I am supposed to take that risk?

I wasn't asking for a note. I just said if she didn't know for sure what is wrong with the eye that she take her to the doctor.

She hung up the phone on me after saying she is coming.

When she got here, she was visibly angry. She kept her back to me the whole time. I tried telling her the girl said to me she had green stuff coming out and she just cut me off and got the kids out.

Maybe this whole thing would have been different if she came in when she dropped them off and talked to me about it. I had to go by what the girl told me.

I have a responsibility to everyone else. I am sure if she was in my shoes, she wouldn't want to expose her family to something unknown and possibly highly contagious.

I mean, really, we had to spend our morning washing toys, gates, tables, etc....shouldn't we be mad she brought them and exposed us?

Then yesterday I got a call from her giving me two weeks notice that the kids are leaving. I tried saying that I think there was a miscommunication and I asked if we could talk about it. She said no. She said they decided this wasn't the right place for their children and they will no longer be coming.

Because I said your daughter couldn't be here with possible pink eye or other contagious thing? Really?

I spent so much of yesterday crying.

I called the other family to find out if our relationship was over too because of this. I talked to their dad and he made it clear that they love us and this will in no way change that. He said he has felt bad that them not coming has hurt us financially and they want to get the kids back here and soon as possible. (He is one of the nicest dads I have ever known and I am heartbroken for them that they are going through such a tough time.)

We had a family dinner last night because it's the last night we were all together for the holidays (my sister leaves today) and I was just so devastated. I was shaky all over from the adrenaline. I was feeling anger, panic, embarrassment, and sadness all at the same time. I cried the whole way home from the dinner.

I woke up feeling sick this morning. I have no idea what we're going to do. I put an ad on craigslist and posted something on Facebook, but it's not likely anything will come from that in the middle of the school year. How could they do this to us?

Oh, and how awkward will the next two weeks be with the kids still coming? She won't talk to me but I have to still watch the kids for two weeks? And when do I do at drop off and pick up time. Especially pick up time when I usually stand at the door talking to the dad for several minutes. What am I going to say? "Well, you screwed our lives up pretty bad. We can't pay our bills. How are you doing?"

There is nothing like ringing in a new year wondering how you will survive even the next month.

ICLW

2011-12-21T07:08:00.000-05:00

My story is posted on the right of my blog and I don't have too much to add to that, but I wanted to say WELCOME :)

My family is in town for the holidays and I am very thankful for that. We've been busy with family dinners, shopping, parties, and cookie decorating. Last night Jayden and my two month old nephew were wearing matching pajamas that my mom bought them. Adorable. I love seeing the boys together. My sister in law who lives on the other side of the country just got into town (my brother is flying in on Friday) and is coming over today to play with Jayden. I can't wait.

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of my big surgery. During our adoption wait, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and had a radical hysterectomy. Even two years later, I still feel my scars every night before I fall asleep. This Christmas will be very different from the one two years ago. I have so much to be thankful for now. The anniversary of my surgery still holds a lot of emotion for me though.

This is probably too deep for a "Welcome To My Blog" ICLW post, huh? ;)

I look forward to meeting new people and visiting your blogs this week!!

Laughing at 3 AM

2011-12-13T11:00:00.000-05:00

For a couple weeks I was trying to figure out if Jayden knew the difference between the cats. I thought he was saying Lilly, but I wasn't sure.

Then one morning he got up very early and we brought him into bed with us. We got all settled into bed and we thought he was going back to sleep.

I heard one the cats come in the room and then Jayden all off a sudden stands up in the bed and yells, "Lilly!" "Lilly!" and then makes the same noise with his mouth that we do when we call the cats.

I died laughing.

It was 3 in the morning and we could not stop laughing.

We eventually fell back asleep for a couple more hours and then in the morning I was talking to Adam about how I wondered if he really knew the difference between the cats. Lilly isn't even the cat we call the most. We definitely say Brinkley more often. Jayden then walked right up to Lilly and put his face in hers and said "Lilly" again. Brinkley came in the room and I asked Jayden who that was and he said "Brinkley" and walked up to him. What?! I couldn't believe it.

Of course he doesn't say the words perfectly, but it's clear which one is which.

And since then a few times Jayden has bent over and called "Lilly!" while looking under the tree because she is under there so often. The fact that he uses the same noise we do when he calls them just kills me. It's so cute.

Poor Layla is left out. We don't call her name very often. She is older so she sleeps more and doesn't get into trouble. She sleeps on the bed a lot and Jayden always knows where to go to find her though.

I Survived Another Baby Shower

2011-12-02T10:30:00.000-05:00

I recently went to a baby shower. My mom and Jayden were invited too so I decided it would be okay to go.

Of course as it got closer all those same old feelings started to come up. Why do I always forget that baby showers are not a good place for me? Can someone please remind me next time it comes time to RSVP to one?

As I was getting ready to go, I gave myself the same pep talk I have done for years. Telling myself I was fine, this was no big deal, I am happy for the person having the baby, etc. And reminding myself not to think those infertile thoughts.

It ended up being a huge shower. It was overwhelming. It was the kind of shower that makes me want to be as invisible as possible. And trying to keep a 14 month old quiet. happy, and not running through the room opening presents was no easy task. Although, I don't think I would have survived the shower without him.

One thing I did that I found helpful was pass on the games and concentrate on socializing with the few people there that I knew.

Of course I did receive some pressure to participate in games, but I responded by saying- "I am an infertile at a baby shower. By law I do not have to play shower games." I am proud to announce that it worked well and I highly recommend it to all of you. Give it a try. Maybe it will catch on. ;)

My cousin who was helping throw the shower has had two failed IVFs and is currently saving money for a third. I told her that I said I didn't have to play shower games because I am infertile. She agreed and added that she was so infertile that she didn't have to watch present opening. She washed dishes instead.

One thing I can honestly say is that my infertility being so out in the open is really liberating. And I love that my cousin is just as open as I am about it. We're a good team and it's nice to have each other. I wish more people had that. The only thing I can think of is the more we speak out, the less taboo all of this will be and the more likely people will be able to find support in places they never thought.

(Of course I understand it's not possible for everyone to come out of the infertile closet, but I do wish things were different. I've had friends come to me and tell me about their infertility but make me promise to keep it a secret because nobody in their life knows. It makes me sad.)

The Teary Infertile at Santa's Workshop

2011-11-29T14:55:00.001-05:00

We took Jayden to see Santa the first day it was available at the mall. Silly me thought going before Thanksgiving would mean shorter waiting time. There was some ~~lying~~ miscommunication about what time Santa would be showing up that meant we were in line for well over an hour. By the time he showed up, there was a huge line behind us and Jayden was really sick of waiting in line. But, when Santa arrived with full marching band, I'll admit my frustration melted and I was sappy about Jayden's first time seeing Santa.

Even as we waited in line, the saleswoman (and yes, I am calling her a saleswoman and not santa's helper) was already working on us to buy picture packages.

I had some cash in my pocket, but not enough to even buy just the basic one printed picture. I had no idea Santa pictures were so expensive!

My parents were with us and my Dad had planned on taking some pictures. Of course once I said we weren't getting a package, they told him he had to stand really far away and the salewoman stood in the way of him on purpose.

Because I am the sappy infertile, I was emotional about this whole experience. I waited many years for this. I was so proud of Jayden when he sat in Santa's lap and listened carefully as Santa spoke to him. It was beautiful and perfect and everything I had hoped for. As I was watching, the woman said to me, "You aren't going to buy pictures for his FIRST time meeting Santa?!?" She said it like she was disgusted by me. It hit me hard and I cried. I realize she was just doing her job, but what an awful thing to do to a mom. Moms already have enough guilt about things without being made to feel like the worst mom on the universe for not spending a fortune on Santa pictures.

I mumbled something about losing my job, although it really was none of her business. One of the families I watch are going through a hard time and are not coming for at least a couple months. My income is now half of what it was and money is tight right now. I was trying to go out and have a nice morning with my family and not think about all that. Luckily the tears in my eyes sent the message to leave me alone and stop pushing. I hope because of that she went a little easier on all those mothers behind me.

Fortunately, my Dad has a good camera and was able to take pictures even from far away. We just cropped that woman out of them.

Santa!!!

Even Daddy is excited to see Santa.

The face that makes Mommy's heart melt.

Listening very carefully as Santa talked to him.

Thinking about what he wants to ask Santa for.

Thank you, Santa :)

The Case Of The Missing Mittens

2011-11-28T21:30:00.001-05:00

My sister mentioned she was having a hard time finding infant mittens and hats so I told her she could have ours when she came home for Thanksgiving. I was surprised I hadn't already sent them to her with all the other clothes and things I sent.

When she was over our house, she brought it up again and I started searching through our hall closet for what we used with Jayden last year. I found his hat, but couldn't find his mittens. I looked and looked but all I managed to find was some more booties to give them.

A couple days went by and we were all at my parents' house. I was holding the baby and I looked down at his feet. I then announced I had found the missing mittens. They had them all along, but thought they were socks! Thank goodness they happened to pack those particular "socks" for the trip so I could notice and tell them.

I apologized to Ben for his parents and explained that's why he needs his Aunt Lisa. ;)

Cousins

2011-11-27T09:08:00.001-05:00

My sister and brother in law came home for Thanksgiving! It was so nice having them here. Especially seeing the new baby.

While they were here, my sister and I took the boys to the mall to pick out matching Christmas outfits for them. (I know it's cheesy, but they will look so cute!!) They enjoyed looking at each other when their strollers were close. At one point we were in different sections and Jayden couldn't see them anymore. He got upset and kept signing "baby." Adorable. I brought him over to baby Ben and then he was fine as long as he could see him.

It's always hard for me to say good-bye to my sister. (In fact, we never actually say good-bye. We always say "See you tomorrow!" even though we know it's not true.) We have a good time while she is here and I can never understand why she lives so far away. I watch shows like Parenthood and all I can think about is how awesome it would be if we all lived close by and could do things like weekly family dinners. And watch our kids grow up together and be friends.

The day after they left, Jayden was walking around signing "baby." Then it hit me. As hard as it was before, now that Jayden is old enough to notice they aren't here and miss them....this is going to break my heart into a million pieces each time.

Look how cute the boys are together:

hehe :)

The bright side about saying good-bye this time is that I know they will be back for Christmas. My brother and sister in law will also be here. I can't wait!!!

Thank You

2011-11-24T13:09:00.001-05:00

Thank you for sticking with me even though I've been a bad blogger lately.

I am so thankful for the blogging community. We've all been through so much together. I don't know how I would have gotten through the past couple years without you.

To my American bloggy friends, I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving with friends and family!

I Need More Time.

2011-11-15T20:40:00.001-05:00

I am obviously failing at my goal of blogging more often so I can clear out all the thoughts in my head.

I can't find the time.

Jayden can climb and get anything he wants so using the laptop while he is awake is not possible anymore. The minute he sees it, he's either grabbing it out of my hands, pressing all the buttons, or crying because I am not letting him have it. I sure wish I had internet on my phone so I could at least read blogs. Thank goodness for twitter via text!

I almost blogged last night but then I spent over an hour searching online for a doll to give Jayden for christmas. I've had no luck with local toy stores. That's really a post of it's own. The doll aisles are actually pink. Not just the dolls, but the shelves. As if they are announcing THIS AISLE IS FOR GIRLS ONLY. Then there are rows and rows of white girl dolls. Sigh. I have had some luck online, but for the most part they are really overpriced. I am sad there is not more diversity in doll options.

Even right now as I type this, I know I should be sleeping. Teething has been killing us lately. I am getting about as much sleep as when he was a newborn with colic. The last three nights in a row, he got up around midnight and I had to hold him until morning. If I put him down, he would scream. I am exhausted.

So with no time to blog, I write pretend blog posts in my head during the day.

Some of them have been pretty good.

I wish you could read them....

Halloween

2011-11-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

We had a great Halloween this year.

Adam always takes off from work on Halloween because it's his favorite day of the year. I had to work before and after school, but we had the middle of the day to go out.

We went to the zoo.

I am pretty sure Jayden's favorite thing at the zoo was the vending machines. We would walk him over to the polar bears and he would walk right back over to the vending machines. He wanted to press all the buttons.

After the zoo we went to our favorite apple mill to get apples, cider, and fried cakes.

Then we went home to carve pumpkins.

Jayden was hilarious. We laughed the entire time. He kept putting the insides of the pumpkins back into the cleaned out ones.

Then he decided to take a bite out of one of the pumpkins.

I guess he liked it because he took bites out of all the pumpkins.

Despite our baby goat trying to eat all the pumpkins, we did manage to carve three.

My pumpkin. Jay's pumpkin that I carved.

Adam's pumpkin.

We didn't plan on taking Jayden trick-or-treating because he's so young. We were just going to have him help us give candy out to kids that came to our house.

But then I saw a few kids his age and they looked like they were having so much fun, so I took Jayden to a couple houses right across the street. He loved it and the neighbors were happy to see him.

We have always had fun on Halloween. I love giving out candy to trick-or-treaters and seeing their costumes. But, this year was the best. Who knew having Jayden's "help" with pumpkins and just bringing him across the street for a few minutes would result in one of the best nights of my life. We had so much fun.

Playing In The Backyard with Grandpa

2011-10-30T11:26:00.000-04:00

We were at my parents' house yesterday so Adam could help them dig out an area of their backyard for a hot tub. (Which, by the way, I am VERY excited about.) While we were there, my dad took some pictures of Jayden in the backyard.

I love them so I decided to share :)

So proud of himself for getting the little pumpkin to stay on the big pumpkin.

-----------------UPDATE--------------

I could not find these pictures when I originally did this post, but I just found them on my Dad's Facebook page.

These were taken exactly one year earlier than the above pictures :)

He was 6 weeks old in these pictures.

Friday Fun- Write Your Own Caption!

2011-10-28T12:38:00.000-04:00

We have a lot of fun Fall/Halloween things planned for this weekend that I am looking forward to. I just have to get through this afternoon first! I bet there are others in the same boat so I thought we could do some "Write Your Own Caption" to pass the time!

Aaaaaaaand....GO!

Road Trip With A One Year Old

2011-10-25T10:56:00.000-04:00

I'll admit that the comments on my pro/con list about whether to go visit my sister after her baby was born kind of bothered me. (Not to mention all the twitter comments.)

None of them were mean and I completely understand where everyone was coming from.

But it made me feel really defensive. I had good reasons not to go, but I felt like everyone was saying they were just silly or selfish reasons. Why wasn't it a major factor that we were going to be spending a lot more money than we had? Why wasn't strapping a screaming baby into a car seat against his will something I should take into consideration?

The plan was never to go to see the baby right away. My sister wasn't expecting us. We would be seeing him in December either way. Me not going wouldn't have been some major insult. The idea of going was a last minute crazy idea I had.

I just found myself so defensive....when in reality I was about 99% sure I was going so I was in agreement with them.

At the time I wrote that post, I already had reservations and an open suitcase that was half full.

But after reading the comments, I was defending the "con" list more and more in my head and I almost convinced myself we shouldn't go.

Adam read the pro/con list and started e-mailing me from work that we were not going. He was serious. Seeing it listed like that made him realize how big of a sacrafice going there would be.

I responded with, "But, did you see everyone's comments? We apparently HAVE TO GO! or we are the worst people ever." He pointed out that people don't know how precarious our financial situation is until we get our adoption tax credit...or how much Jayden really hates even short car rides.

I kept packing as Adam and I went back and forth about whether we should go. It was kind of one of those things that we knew wasn't a great idea, but we also knew deep down that we were going. By the time he got home from work, the suitcase was almost packed.

We left after work the next day.

It was definitely smart to leave in the evening. Adam drove and I sat in the back with Jayden. The first two hours were rough, but then once Jayden's bedtime hit, he fell asleep. He woke up a few times, realized he was strapped into his car seat, and screamed for a bit. Nothing huge, but I did feel awful wiping tears off his face. Poor little thing didn't understand what we were doing to him.

We got to the hotel about 12:30 AM. We checked into our room and saw there was no crib or pack-n-play like we had requested. I sent Adam back to the front desk and the man told him that it was in our paperwork, but nobody set it up and there wasn't anything they could do now because it was too late. I was so mad. They were well aware that we were arriving late and that we needed a crib.

Adam was exhausted and fell asleep pretty quick.

Meanwhile, Jayden, who had been sleeping for hours in the car, was WIDE AWAKE. It was like having a wild animal in our hotel room. Curtains were moving, lamps were shaking, snacks were all over the floor...and this little being was running all around yelling. Jayden and I hung out in the room until about 3 AM when I finally got him to settle down enough to get into bed with me. The bed was smaller than our bed at home so it was not a comfortable fit with all three of us in one bed. I was imagining all the things I was going to say to the front desk in the morning. (None of them were actually said.)

Morning comes and we get a call from my mom saying my dad is sick. Ugh.

Then she tells us that my sister is worried about the germs and she doesn't want us to see my parents at all before coming to see the baby. (We had breakfast plans with them.) It was a really bad start to the trip. At this point I was overtired, crying, and just wanted to go home.

But things got better once we went to my sister's apartment and Jayden got to meet his little cousin.

Although he was much more impressed with their cat!

He seemed to notice all his old baby stuff. And decided he could still use the bouncy seat.

"Mom, I wasn't done with this, why did you give it to the new baby?"

Me with both babies.

Adam with both babies.

It was really hard to believe that Jayden was ever that little. The only way I could believe it was because Ben was wearing Jayden's old clothes and they fit exactly how they used to fit Jayden.

I am thankful we were able to go and see Ben while he was so little, although my sister was still recovering from giving birth and getting the hang of breast feeding so it felt like we barely got to visit with her while we were there.

Adam, my Mom, Jayden, and I had a chance to get out of the apartment for a while to visit a zoo, which was fun.

Ahhhh...this is much more comfortable.

We had a lot of fun in the hotel pool, but I think Jayden's favorite part of the hotel was the other baby in the room.

The trip definitely had it's ups and downs and it wasn't exactly the smart choice financially, but I am glad we went.

One thing I learned was that road trips go much faster if you listen to a book on tape. I highly recommend Bossypants by Tina Fey!

Therapy Isn't Free

2011-10-21T22:04:00.000-04:00

The truth is, I either need to start really blogging again, or go to therapy. I need an outlet. I work at home all day with kids. My only regular adult interaction comes from twitter. And my brain is always on full speed. Worrying and overthinking are my real full time jobs.

I don't have money for therapy.

So, blogging it is.

I think if I get a little better with my time management, I can make blogging more of a priority.

I mean, really, who needs to actually fold laundry and put it away when you can just wear clothes that have been sitting in the laundry basket on your bedroom floor? ;)

Do you have any time management tricks?

Blogging

2011-10-16T09:26:00.000-04:00

I really want to blog about something, but I don't want to deal with people's reactions to it.

So, I won't blog it.

That has been happening a lot lately. Of course I always considered these things before posting, but it's at an all time high lately.

I'm not sure whether the solution is to maybe start a new blog...or care less about what people think.

When you are blogging, how much do you take into consideration what other people will think/comment? Do you sometimes fear comments? Or do you just write and post freely? (I envy you.)

Have any of you had real life consequences from something you blogged?

Have you ever had a troll that was particularly threatening/harassing or scary?

I'm interested in hearing your thoughts and stories.

12ish Months

2011-10-06T14:33:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it's almost 13 months now. I started this post weeks ago, but never ended up taking official 12 month pictures and then kind of gave up and left this post just sitting here.

So...here is Jayden's 12 month post :)

Jayden is one!! And it's awesome. I am amazed everyday at how smart he is and how much he understands now.

Last night, Adam was in the dining room talking to Brinkley as he gave him medicine. After he was done, he said "Okay, you're finished." Jayden, who wasn't in the same room as them and couldn't even see them, signed "finished." Then Adam told Brinkley he did a good job and Jayden started clapping. Sometimes it amazes me how much he picks up on that I wouldn't think he was even paying attention to.

One of Jayden's new signs is "fish." Why he picked that one, I have no idea. We don't have fish. He has only seen real fish a handful of times and that was months ago. But, whenever we say fish, he signs it. He also signs it whenever he gets to the fish page in his sign language book. It's the only sign he does as he goes through the book. It probably confuses him that I say "fish" when we see them in books and also when he eats goldfish crackers.

He loves his stuffed animal kitty. Loves. He carries it around and gives it kisses. And if you tell him to get his kitty, he knows what you're talking about.

One time I was telling him he should say thank you to Aunt Katie for a present and he went and picked up kitty instead. hehe.

Speaking of our cats, for the life of me I can't figure out why, but they aren't afraid of Jayden anymore. In fact, sometimes it seems like they seek him out. I don't get it. They lay down right next to him and he starts off being gentle for like a minute and then before you know it he's pulling their hair. Both Adam and I have even seen him try to pick cats up by their rump. They don't care. WHAT? We can't figure it out. We separate them as soon as we see it get rough, but it drives us nuts. We're so afraid that at some point they will snap and scratch him. We've been trying to teach him "nice" and "gentle."

Just recently he started to say "Daddy" instead of just "Dada." He signs it as he says it. I tried to teach him "Mommy" (instead of just "mama") but every time I say it, he responds by saying "Daddy" and signing it. It makes me wonder why I taught him how to do it in the first place! haha.

He seems to have a better understanding of kisses and hugs now and he likes to give them out, which is adorable. His kisses are wet and sloppy and I'm a little afraid each time that he will eat my face by the way he comes at me, but they're great.

He's so funny. He makes us laugh all the time. I remember at an early appointment, I think his 4 month appointment, our pediatrician asked us a word to describe him and we said funny. We could tell already he had a sense of humor and liked to play and make us laugh.

I put away his summer clothes and bought him all new Fall/Winter clothes... and then realized size 12 months was too big for him. Over and over again I tried different outfits and his pants kept falling to his ankles. Even with the cloth diapers. Plus they were too long and he was tripping over them. I don't really know what made me so convinced 12 months should fit. Because he is 12 months? I don't know. (Although in my defense, some of his all in one summer outfits were 12 months. But, I think the sizing on those are more like onesie sizing, which seems to run small.) So, after a big shopping spree weekend I ended up going back the next weekend and getting him 9 months clothes. It's a good thing I buy all his stuff at consignment stores! It would be nice if he would hurry up and grow though so he can wear the 12 month wardrobe I bought him before it's spring time!

Jayden's little cousin was born!

I had sent my sister most of Jayden's clothes, but not any of the super small stuff. My little nephew decided to come two weeks early and is as small as Jay was, so I ended up going through Jay's super small clothes. Which made me teary. I can't believe he was ever that small!

For some reason packing up bottles also made me weepy. We've been off of bottles for a couple weeks now but I finally packed them all up. (It took them all falling on me when I opened the cupboard for me to finally do it.) I'm going to miss them. Feeding Jayden while all snuggled up together was so special. Now he drinks from a sippy cup while walking around the room and playing.

Sleep is finally starting to get a little better. He's actually had a few nights recently of sleeping through the whole night in his crib. The only thing that gets in the way of him doing it more are those darn teeth. New ones keeps popping up! He now has 4 on top and 3 on the bottom.

Even though it makes me weepy that Jayden is now 1 year old and will never be that tiny baby again.....this age is awesome. He is so much fun.

Pie!

He thinks anything the big kids do with him is awesome.

Visiting the bunny at the Apple Mill.

He discovered that the way to win Lilly over is with ribbon.

Lately he spends more time sitting in his toy box than playing with toys.

Any toy with wheels is usually found like this. He loves wheels!

Everyone wears their shirts like this, right? It's the new style.

(He's figured out how to take his clothes off.)

Pro/Con List

2011-10-05T08:39:00.000-04:00

My nephew was born! I am an Aunt!!!

My sister lives about 7 hours from us. I would obviously love to go meet my nephew. When my sister went into labor, my gut reaction was to hop in the car and drive. And when I realized I couldn't, I cried. I hate being so far away. (I have been hard at work on a campaign to get them to move back here.)

I actually made hotel reservations to go the same weekend as my parents.

But, I have changed my mind 943 times since making those reservations.

So, I decided to make a Pro/Con list.

Pros:

I get to see my sister. (And brother-in-law.)
I get to see my NEPHEW!!
Swimming in the hotel pool.
Taking Jay to their local zoo so he can see new animals.
Road trip in the Fall.
Mini vacation.
Trader Joes & Whole Foods

Cons:

Just in the past week we have finally gotten Jayden to start sleeping through the night in his crib. It was such a long road to get here. Sleeping in a hotel may ruin that. He will most likely be sleeping in bed with us for those nights.
7 hours in the car each way.14 hours of Jay being strapped in his car seat and hating it. HATING IT. Screaming, crying, etc.
$$$. My sister lives just outside a big city and the hotel prices are not cheap. Add in food and gas and it's a lot. We will be paying for it for many months. (Not to mention the money I am losing by taking off from work.)
I've been feeling really sleep deprived and overwhelmed lately. This would be a weekend away getting nothing done. (I still have all of Jayden's birthday party stuff taking up my entire back porch!)
Packing for a trip with a one year old is really hard.
An entire weekend of being places that are not baby proofed.
We would need to find someone to house sit/take care of our cats.

I don't think I can express how much Jayden hates being strapped into a carseat. Whenever we go anywhere, after about 20 minutes, he tries to unbuckle his car seat (which he can't do...yet) and then starts yelling out and then crying. Even on a normal trip somewhere in our town, I sit in the back with him to keep him company and distract him. We went to Ohio last April and the car ride was hellish. This would be even longer.

But....tiny new baby nephew!

I don't know what to do.

What do you think? Advice?

(One way of the driving will be at night when Jayden is usually sleeping.)

In The Box

2011-10-03T13:08:00.000-04:00

I almost forgot!

In case you were still wondering what was in that box...

It was.....

A 5 foot tall giraffe!!!

Jayden loved him.

I got him all animal themed things for his birthday this year. A kick ball with animals on it, animal pajamas, an elephant book, and a big stuffed giraffe.

I think Grandma loved the giraffe as much as Jayden.

The giraffe on party day.

Jayden's First Birthday Party

2011-09-27T12:00:00.000-04:00

Monthly pictures.

The glass container on the left is Jayden's time capsule that people added things to. They could bring anything- lists, newspaper clippings, letters, music, pictures, videos etc. Some people got really creative and I enjoyed seeing them. Others put theirs in closed envelopes so I have no idea what's in them!

It seems we didn't get any pictures of the kids doing the dig for animals.

Toy animals were hidden in a bin of sand.

Even Jayden did it :)

Craft Table

I love that my cousin did one of the crafts so he could put it in his new baby's nursery.

So tiny!

Dinner

My mom hard at work cooking! Thank you, Mom!!!

"Watering Hole" Lemon-aid Stand

I don't know why we didn't get any close ups, but there is one of the water bottles with Jayden's birthday label on it.

I didn't realize until after the party how many things we missed getting pictures of. Like my centerpieces! As well as the cricut animals from my previous post, the centerpieces were animal print tins with crayons in them. We bought rolls of paper to use as table cloths so people could color on the tables. I also put animal print bandanas on the tables and "Happy Birthday Jayden" confetti, which were circles my mom and I printed and cut out using punches.

Jayden loved his dinner! He had tomatoes, eggplant, cheese ravioli, and fruit.

My sister and brother in law were there via skype because my sister's doctor said she was too pregnant to travel. They saw a surprising amount of the party!

Cake

Presents

Look at the tail!!

It was a long day, but he just kept going strong.

Dancing, laughing, and even spinning around in circles!

We are so thankful for all our friends & family who came to celebrate with us!

The next morning we went back over to my parents' house and Jayden loved going through his presents all over again.

He looked at all his cards again. I think this will be the only birthday where the cards mean as much to him as the toys!

For those of you that missed the pictures of Jayden having cake, you can click here to see them.

A Few Birthday Party Projects I Haven't Posted Yet

2011-09-22T11:39:00.000-04:00

Animal print paper lanterns hanging from the tents.

Pictures displayed on trees.

Display table.

The different centers for the kids to play in.

A few of the food labels.

A sign letting everyone know where things were.

Monthly pictures table. The glass container to the left is Jayden's time capsule that people added things to.

Favors:

I Love My Pediatrician

2011-09-20T11:57:00.001-04:00

When choosing our pediatrician, I mostly based it on two things: A recommendation from a friend I really trust and their office hours.

I watch children during the day and for most of Jayden's first year, Adam and I shared only one working car. It was important to have an office with evening and weekend hours. All of Jayden's well visits have been at 5:30 on Thursdays, a day Adam gets out of work early. Adam has never missed an appointment, which has been so nice for both of us.

Jayden has only ever had one sick visit, but they got us in right away that morning (Adam used personal time and came with us) and we even had a follow up the next morning, which was a Saturday.

One time Jayden scratched his eye ball with his nail during a nap and someone called me back fairly quickly to talk about it and reassure me he was okay. (Which I needed because I was consulting Dr. Google and was convinced he was going blind with every second we waited.) I think it was a Saturday evening and our pediatrician called first thing Monday morning to check on us. I was so impressed by that. (By the way, by Monday it was completely gone! It healed so quick.)

She is a mother, which I feel like makes a big difference. Her son is actually only about two so she just went through all this stuff with her own child. And her son is also small for his age, which has helped tremendously with my worries about Jayden's size. She is very reassuring and shares stories about her son's weight and let's me know some kids are just small and it's okay. Someone has to be at the small end of the chart. She shares tips with me about how to get extra calories in him, but doesn't make a big deal out of it. She said as long as he is growing at a steady rate and not slipping down in percentile from where he used to be, he's okay. Plus, she always makes a big deal about how well he's doing with all his milestones and that it's a great sign for his overall health.

She is always honest and upfront with us about everything. If she sees anything she wants to keep an eye on, she always tells us about it. And she completely understands that I am the kind of person who wants to hear about all the worst case scenarios. For example- if the thing she is watching turns out to be something, what could be the cause and what's the worst thing that could happen. She always goes through it all with me.

She is especially patient and understanding about all my extra concerns that come from Jayden never having prenatal care and having some exposures/risks to worry about.

The biggest reason I love our pediatrician is that I never have to lie to her. I know so many people who lie to their pediatrician. Whether it be about how they feed their baby, sleep issues, whatever. I told myself early on that if I ever found myself feeling like I have to lie to her, I would switch doctors. There are way too many doctors out there to have one that's not a perfect fit for us. She "gets us" and our parenting choices. It's essential to me.

She is leaving to go on maternity leave really soon and I was so thankful that she gave us the date she would be back so we could schedule Jayden's 15 month well visit after she comes back!

1st Birthday Cake Pictures

2011-09-19T09:42:00.000-04:00

It's time to start posting some party pictures!!! I think I'll do it backwards and start with cake :)

Animal shaped chocolate covered pretzels.

Everything above are things I made, but my friend Sarah from Unbelievably Vegan made Jayden's cupcake that he ate. As you can see, he loved it. We didn't do this at the party because we figured it would be too much in one day. We did it at Grandma and Grandpa's house the next day, on his actual birthday.

He looks a little unsure about whether this is really okay to dig into.

Two handfuls of cake.

Who Said He Could Grow Up?

2011-09-14T20:40:00.003-04:00

I took this picture as we brought Jay home from the hospital.

I took this picture one year later.

I will be posting first birthday pictures very soon. I have to organize all the pictures we took as well as the ones my brother and dad took. Plus I promised myself I wouldn't post pictures on facebook or my blog until I sent some to Jayden's birth mother first, along with a letter.

The Day I Met Jayden

2011-09-13T10:09:00.000-04:00

One year ago today.

Look how long his hair was!

My Blog Post One Year Ago

2011-09-12T22:33:00.000-04:00

Tonight I went back and read my blog post from one year ago. I remember all the emotions so well. I was giddy with excitement while also scared to death it wasn't really going to happen. In fact, that scared feeling didn't go away until we were actually driving to the hospital to pick him up. I didn't really let myself feel the excitement until then.

Anyway, I decided to share this post with you.

Sunday, September 12, 2010:

I woke up this morning feeling a little nervous that maybe something had changed overnight.

But, as the day went on, and we received no phone call, I started to relax and let myself believe this is really happening!

We have done a lot of shopping....and cleaning....and hoping that this is finally it....

The baby's bed is all set up next to ours.

Going home outfit is washed and packed.

We have clothes, diapers, formula, bottles...everything all ready to be used. (It looks like a baby store exploded all over the house.)

Here is the plan:

8 AM- Call the pediatrician.
9AM- Call the agency to confirm all the hospital paperwork was faxed to them.
9:30 AM- Go to the bank to get ceritified check for full placement fee amount. Yikes.
10ish AM- Head to agency to start filling out paperwork.

After hours of paperwork torture....go to the hospital to pick baby up!!!

Then bring him home.....EEEEEK.

Can this really be happening?!

Oh, and we officially have a name picked out....

Jayden :)

Birthday Buddies

2011-09-06T20:18:00.001-04:00

I feel lucky to have so many twitter friends with September babies. It's been great to check in with each other and give/receive advice and support when needed. We all went through similar things at the same times and it was so nice to have each other over the past year.

There are even three babies that were born on the same day as Jayden! I love that Jayden has birthday buddies. Erin's twin girls Evelyn and Charlotte and Amber's little boy Aidan.

I really appreciate the friendship I've developed with Erin over the past year and love keeping up with her adorable girls. We have had many of the same worries about our kids over the past year and it's so nice to read her tweets everyday and know I am not alone.

Amber and I both had long adoption waits and it was a complete coincidence that our boys ended up being born on the exact same day! Truly amazing. We both survived colic and I feel as though we should have bracelets or T-shirts made. She has been a great friend and our boys will always be connected-- even though one of them is in Alaska and the other one is in NY.

Because Jayden's 9/11 birthday buddies are so special, I wanted to include them in our party plans. Even if it's something very small.

I made animals that will be part of centerpieces for the tables. Evelyn and Charlotte are having an owl birthday theme so I made an owl. Aidan is having a mickey mouse themed party so I did a mouse for his.

I know it's kind of silly..and it's definitely a small gesture...but it is special to me that I will have a little piece of them at Jayden's party since they couldn't be there in person.

Some of the animals I made for the other centerpieces:

Poor panda. He lost an eye.

I keep expecting to find it, but I think I might just have to make a new one.

Jayden loves kitties!

Party Preparations: Party Hat and High Chair Banner

2011-09-05T10:31:00.000-04:00

The banner I made to go on the high chair Jayden will be sitting in for dinner:

Jayden's party hat:

Unfortunately I have absolutely no sewing skills so I bought this.

Brinkley came in to do some more kitty modeling.

I told him it was unprofessional to eat the product you are modeling.

Party Preparations: Monthly Pictures Display

2011-09-04T10:11:00.001-04:00

I knew I wanted to display all of Jayden's monthly pictures at his party. I had a few ideas on how to do it, but when I came across little pots at a craft store, I decided to do this:

I bought little pots and added months to each one.

I also bought these little cubes with a photo holder that fit perfectly into the pots.

I added spanish moss to the pots to cover the cube part and make it look like grass. (I also hired a cat model.)

I did a pot for each month from birth to 11 months.

One Week From Today!!

2011-09-03T09:23:00.000-04:00

Jayden's birthday party is one week from today! I can't believe it!!

I am so happy we were able to finalize our adoption before his party. We will be celebrating both his birthday and his adoption. So much to c-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-e!

I realized the other day when I got all the RSVPs that there will be more people at Jayden's party than there were at our wedding!

To those of you thinking it's too early to start first birthday preparations...if your child is born, it's not too early! haha. I wish I had started earlier. I underestimated how hard it would be to get things done with Jayden getting into everything!

Here are some more pictures of things I've been doing for Jayden's birthday party. Some people asked if I could give more details and instructions on how to make things, so I'm trying my best to do that.

Welcome sign:

I ordered an 8x10 of Jayden and glued it to a 12x12 scrapbook paper.

I used the 'Day At The Zoo' Cricut cartridge to do the "Welcome" at the top.

I used 'Create A Critter' Cricut cartridge to make the balloons.

The "It's My Party" letters at the bottom are stickers.

I added ribbon to the bottom of the balloon stickers.

These pictures are awful, but this is another decoration I made:

I traced a bunch of circles on paper using a roll of masking tape as the circle.

I cut the circles out by hand with scissors.

I stamped animals on to each circle.

Punched small holes at the top and bottom of each circle.

Tied them all together.

Over the next week, I will posting a lot more party preparations!

Kids' Menu

2011-09-01T10:20:00.000-04:00

Jayden is now eating enough that when we go to restaurants, I need to order something for him too. He's not satisfied just eating a few bites from us or eating a snack that we bring.

I'm new to the world of the "Kids' Menu."

Jayden is vegetarian, although even if he wasn't, I wouldn't be choosing things like hot dogs or chicken nuggets for him.

Macaroni and cheese is a common option, but every single time (even in nicer restaurants) I ask the waiter or waitress whether the macaroni and cheese is homemade, they say it's the Kraft kind from a box. REALLY? That is shocking to me. You expect me to pay anywhere from $4 to $6 dollars for you to give my child a serving of Kraft macaroni? Let's ignore for a second that I would never feed him that* and just look at the fact that it's insulting to charge people that price when it costs $1 for an entire box. And it takes zero culinary skill. Aren't they embarrassed to make it? They are chefs. Even I know how to make macaroni and cheese from scratch. It's not that hard.

Grilled cheese is another choice, but I am assuming that's just white bread and processed Kraft slices of cheese.

The other night I ended up buying him cheese quesadillas from the adult menu and paying extra to have veggies added to them. I was pleased with this decision because they came loaded with mushrooms, red peppers, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, onion and a side of guacamole. He loved it. But, even after eating a good amount of it that night, my mom having some, and him eating it again for lunch the next day, there was still half of it leftover. (I can't eat it because of the onions.) I don't understand why stuff like that can't be offered on the kids' menu in a smaller portion.

Why did restaurants decide kids will only be served junk food? They are people too. They deserve to have meals made for them using real ingredients in the kitchen.

No wonder restaurants have those kids eat free deals all the time. The parents spend money on their meals and the restaurant only gives away $1 boxes of Kraft macaroni.

*I love a good creamy box of Kraft macaroni and cheese as much as anyone, but my crappy eating habits end with me. I am not passing them along to my son.

Forever Family

2011-08-30T21:31:00.000-04:00

It's official.

We went to court this morning to finalize our adoption.

Jayden is officially stuck with us forever. ;)

From the moment we got to court, Jayden was busy charming everyone. In the waiting area he was walking around and dancing. He loved the marble floors. He reached down and touched the floor a couple times. He seemed so happy to be there. Everyone that walked through commented on how cute he was.

My Aunt gave him a kitty stuffed animal, which he loved.

In the courtroom the judge said it was okay to let him walk around because he was not in the mood to sit. He ended up starting up a game of peek-a-boo with the judge. Then he was blowing him kisses! The judge even blew him a kiss back. It was so funny. He was walking around the courtroom like he owned the place.

My parents and my Aunt came with us. It was so nice to have them there celebrating with us. Then right after we left court, I checked my phone and there were so many tweets and texts and love from all over. We are so grateful to have had so much love and support through our adoption journey. Jayden is so loved.

We went out to breakfast with my Mom and Aunt after we left court.

Then we went home so Jay could take a nap.

Later in the afternoon Jen from This Is More Personal and her wonderful husband came by for a visit while they were in town. It was so special to have one of Jayden's twitter Aunts be part of the big day. Jen, like so many of Jayden's twitter Aunts, has been a huge source of support throughout our adoption journey.

We then met family out at a restaurant for a celebratory dinner. I love times like this because it's such a big reminder of how loved Jayden is. And he did so well! Court and two meals in a restaurant...all in one day...and he did amazing! Especially since he only had one nap and dinner was close to bedtime. His favorite part of dinner was sitting next to Grandpa. He was copying everything Grandpa did.

I've known since the moment I met Jayden that he was my son, but I don't think I realized until today how much finalization meant to me. I thought I would be able to put those feelings into words in this blog post, but I really can't express the full range of emotions I felt. I spent a lot of today thinking about our journey that led us to today. Everything we went through before Jayden came into our lives. I mostly thought about how lucky we are. After 11.5 months of parenting Jayden, it still feels surreal sometimes. And I don't think I realized until today that I have been holding my breath this whole time. Kind of waiting for the floor to drop out from under us. But, it didn't. And it never will. This is forever.

Like our lawyer said to us today, now we just need to worry about living happily ever after. :)

Jayden's Birthday Present Is Here!

2011-08-26T15:14:00.000-04:00

Look what arrived at our side door!

Jayden's birthday present is here!!!

I can't tell you what it is because Jayden reads my blog ;)

Busy Baby

2011-08-24T11:26:00.000-04:00

In the past few days Jayden has been very busy learning new things.

Walking Backwards
This one was hilarious. He all of a sudden realized he could walk backwards. As the day went on I kept seeing him slowly walking through the room backwards with a little smile on his face.

Blowing Kisses
He doesn't know how to make the kiss noise with his lips yet but he did figure out that if he sticks one finger in his mouth and pulls it out while sucking on it that it makes a kiss noise. So now when you ask him to blow you a kiss, that's what he does.

Clapping
He all of a sudden started clapping and it's adorable because he looks so proud of himself when he does it.

New Dance Moves
There is nothing in the world I love more than baby dancing. He has added a few new moves into the mix and it kills me. One of them is a foot tap (or maybe more of a stomp.)

The Fake Out
He has figured out how to pretend he's done trying to do something, walk away, and then quickly turn and make a run for whatever he wants. Like if a gate is open and we block him from going that way. He will start to walk in the opposite direction like he gave up, then quickly turn, and make a run for it! He also did it the other day when I wouldn't let him put his hand in the toilet.

New Words
He now repeats "Get down!" with surprising accuracy. (If only he listened to those instructions as well as he repeats them.)

With being so busy learning new things, he doesn't have time for boring things like sleep. Why does that always happen?? When he's learning new things, he doesn't sleep. Like when he started walking along furniture, he would also practice in his crib at night. I would watch him on the monitor walking around his crib.

It's not like his sleep was ever good. He never makes it past 5:30 AM in his crib. Most nights it's much earlier and then I can usually get him to sleep in our bed a couple more hours.

But lately even bedtime has been rough. And the big wake up is more like midnight.

At 11 months I really thought we'd have a baby that slept through the night.

I'm exhausted.

But then I put some good music on and watch baby dancing and everything in the world is perfect.

Adam's Birthday

2011-08-22T10:50:00.000-04:00

Adam took the day off of work for his birthday on Friday and we took Jayden to the spray park. Jayden and I have gone a few times, but this was Adam's first time going.

I like this picture because it looks like the cheerio is suspended in the air.

Every year for Adam's birthday we go to a restaurant about 45 minutes away. We've been doing it for 10 years now. It's a little nicer/quieter of a place than we usually take Jayden. I was nervous about the longer drive and then keeping him quiet in the restaurant, but Jayden did pretty well. Adam and I took turns walking him outside in between courses and I had a bag of toys to distract him when he wasn't eating.

One thing that he kept doing was laughing/squealing when people at other tables laughed or got loud. Like he was in on the joke. A table of older people near us got a real kick out of that. Actually, a lot of people in the restaurant were nice, smiling, and saying how cute he is. All except one table who were shooting us dirty looks.

The big koosh ball always works as a distraction.

The really funny thing about this birthday is that two packages arrived on Adam's birthday. They were both for Jayden. Although one of them was NY Giants onesies so those are just as much for Adam. :)

And while we were out shopping for Adam's birthday present (a printer) Jayden also ended up getting a present.

A hippo chair.

I couldn't resist.

Birthday Party Progress

2011-08-21T17:07:00.000-04:00

I wasn't as productive as I had hoped this weekend, but I did make some progress. Here it is:

(I still have a ways to go with these. This is less than half of what we will need.)

(It will say Happy Birthday Jayden when it's complete.)

The Invitation

2011-08-19T09:46:00.000-04:00

I asked you guys for party planning websites and advice a couple months ago and oh boy did you come through!

I had so much fun following all your links and gathering ideas.

The big party is only three weeks away now. We will be finalizing our adoption the week before Jayden's party so we will be celebrating both finalization and his first birthday in one big party. I AM SO EXCITED!!

I decided to go with an animal theme because Jayden loves animals.

I am in the middle of a couple birthday party projects right now that I will be sharing with all of you when I get a little farther, but for now I will leave you with a picture of the invitation.

Not pictured is an insert asking guests to bring something to add to Jayden's "First Birthday" time capsule. A letter, picture, poem, song lyrics, newspaper clipping-- whatever they think of.

Also not pictured is the address labels I had made for his invitations. On the left side of the label, there is a little cake with the number 1 on it. On the right side, there is a picture of Jayden.

11 Months

2011-08-15T10:34:00.001-04:00

Eleven Months

I gave him food to eat so he would sit there long enough for pictures :)

Sitting didn't last long.

Sometimes you have to catch pictures as he runs by.

He still loves looking at books.

He loves to play peek-a-boo. He started this round by peeking around a corner at me.

If you say, "How big is Jayden?" he loves to do "SO BIG" with his arms. He gets a big smile on his face when he does it. Adam can't get enough of it.

Jayden has become such a little person. I feel like we're friends now. Like we have inside jokes and laugh with each other about things. Just as I was getting sad about him turning one soon, he turns into this awesome little person and I can't be sad because I am too busy being excited for what's next.

Like his love for trains makes me so excited about getting him a train table to play on. He has played with train/car tables at Barnes and Noble and the library. There was one at a party we went to and he played with it for most of the time we were there. I plan on getting him one for Christmas.

He actually loves anything with wheels. My brother got him his first bike. (He has to grow a few inches to use it, hehe.) He loves to spin the wheels when the bike is upside down.

We had a family reunion this past month so he got to play with cousins that he had never played with before.

He went to the beach for the first time. He did so well with both the sand and the water. He loved it.

He had his first outing with just Jayden and Daddy. They went to the neighborhood playground one evening after Adam got out of work. Adam said there were all sorts of people to meet and things to play on, but Jayden was only interested in playing with Adam's keys.

He has figured out how to play his basketball game and he LOVES IT.

He likes playing with his kick ball too.

He enjoys playing with his raceway when Adam sits and plays with him.

But his favorite way to use his raceway is to sit in it.

He's gotten so good at walking. Even on tricky surfaces like grass, sand, and wood chips. He can walk and carry big toys or even drink from his sippy cup as he goes. He has gotten pretty fast, especially if he sees a gate open and wants to make a run for it. The coolest thing was watching him learn how to walk uphill. The trial and error on that was so funny. It took a couple falls back on his bottom before he realized he needed to lean into it.

He says hi, mama, kitty, and dada (actually, either da or dadada.) One day when Adam came home from work Jayden was watching him at the front door and saying "dadada." One time at the spray park Jayden got sleepy so I was holding him so he could take a nap and as he fell asleep, he touched my face and said "mama." It was so sweet. My heart melted. Kitty is his favorite one. He loves kitties. Kitties in books, on puzzles, or in real life. One day I heard him scream and I looked over quick and realized it was because he found a kitty in one of his books. He got all low to the ground where the book was and put his face right up to it so he could get a better look.

He says a few other words if we say them first. If not the whole word, then something that sounds like it.

He signs finished, more, listen, and milk. Although he hasn't been signing as much the last couple weeks.

He doesn't clap yet, but he now waves hello and goodbye.

He has started to hold his own bottle every once in a while if he needs to, but he would rather me do it. I think he's been able to do it for quite some time because he's been drinking well from a sippy cup for months. He just doesn't do it because he wants me to. I'll admit, I really don't mind it. Snuggling close to feed him is really nice. And with him eating more food and having less bottles, I cherish that time.

He had another haircut this month! It wasn't that long ago that he had his first one. I can't believe how long his hair had gotten again.

I bought his summer clothes in 9 months and 12 months, which has turned out to be a waste because he is not even close to fitting into 12 months yet. In fact, if he isn't wearing a cloth diaper, he still wears size 6 month shorts.

But, he is finally big enough to be able to wear baby leg warmers!! (Which I LOVE!!) Until now they would just fall down to his ankles right away.

He still only has those two little bottom teeth! There are two on the top that are coming...but they are taking forever and haven't broken the skin yet. It's really funny because they are not the front two. They are the next ones so he will look like a baby vampire when they finally come in.

The best thing about this past month is that we got our finalization date!! I can't wait to go to court and finally be declared a forever family.

I love this baby so much.

Well, If My Chart Didn't Say "Crazy" Before, It Does Now

2011-08-05T18:43:00.000-04:00

Confession: I have not been back to the gynocologist since my hysterectomy.

I went to my post-op oncology appointment, but that was it.

My gynocologist wrote me a prescription for a year of low dose hormones, but those ran out. And I knew I couldn't get more refills without an appointment (that was long overdue) but I just couldn't bring myself to make an appointment. Just picking up the phone to call filled me with anxiety. So, I put it off.

This afternoon I finally did it. I called for an appointment.

Out of nowhere tears started streaming down my face as I did it. I really wasn't expecting that.

They wanted to know why I was making the appointment and just talking about the hysterectomy stirred stuff up in me. They realized how long it had been and commented on that. I then started babbling on about anxiety and pregnant people sitting in the waiting room. (To a fellow infertile that makes sense. I'm not sure the person on the phone had any idea what I was talking about.)

I asked if I could bring my baby to the appointment because I didn't have anywhere else for him to go. I said he could just sit in his stroller. She asked how old he was and then said it's no problem. That was the end of the conversation.

I hung up and started bawling. There was just so much emotion stirred up in me.

A minute goes by and the phone rings. I saw it was the gynocologist office so I answered it despite my crying. It was the end of the day so I didn't want to risk not being able to call them back and find out what they wanted.

It was another woman this time. She said they wanted to get a little more information as to why I was making the appointment so they knew what kind of appointment to book me for.

But I quickly realized the real reason they were calling is because I freaked them out by saying I have a 10 month old baby. (Which, in hindsight, is a little funny.)

She said "We have no record of you having a baby."

Uh, yeah, I had a hysterectomy a year and a half ago so I obviously did not give birth to my 10 month old.

Meanwhile, by the way, I am full on crying through this whole conversation, so I felt like I had to address the obvious sobs.

I told her I have a lot of anxiety about this appointment. And going back into this office will bring up a lot of old feelings. I used to go there to get pregnant. Now I have no uterus.

She said something about how I am a mother now.

Which is totally valid and I understand her perspective. But, not having been through what I have, she can't fully understand why having a baby doesn't magically make all that pain go away.

Things moved very quickly from infertility patient to cancer diagnosis and radical hysterectomy.

I have not been back there since.

We were well into the adoption process at the time I was diagnosed, but again, that didn't make it any easier.

As I cried and talked about it a little more, she really got it and said it is understandable after everything I have been through.

She asked if I wanted a new doctor, which wasn't AT ALL what I wanted. My doctor was amazing with giving me my diagnosis and talking me through all the surgery decisions when my oncologist was a self absorbed asshat.

She asked if I wanted my doctor to call me before my appointment to check in, which was an amazing offer. I really appreciated that. When my doctor called me with me diagnosis, she actually gave me her cell phone number in case I needed her. She really went above and beyond.

The way this all hit me...just from one phone call to the office...I am worried about going to this appointment. It's going to be so hard.

I feel like I have some sort of infertility post traumatic stress.

Baby In A Bowtie

2011-08-04T13:32:00.001-04:00

We finally have an adoption finalization date!!

Once we got the date, I ordered Jayden an outfit to wear to court. It works out well because we have a wedding to go to just two days after our court date so he can wear it to both.

It came yesterday and I immediately tried it on him.

We started with the hat, but that didn't last long on his head.

Baby in a bowtie!!

(Books are better when you read them upside down...and wearing a bowtie.)

We gave the hat one more chance, but it came off right after this.

And I'll leave you with the picture that made me laugh out loud when I saw it...

"Mom, why did you make me dress up in this outfit and then take a hundred pictures of me?"

I Know I Suck

2011-08-03T18:56:00.002-04:00

I suck at blogging. I'm sorry.

I have a lot of guilt about it.

I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things. I'm working on it.

I have a bunch of posts bouncing around in my head. Some on adoption. One about finalization. One about my infertility. Some on parenting. A cloth diapering update. A first birthday party planning update.

None of them make it on my blog. They just dance around in my head.

All I manage to do is baby updates. I'm sorry. Especially for those visiting that are fertility challenged...I am truly sorry. (One major area of guilt for me.)

I've also been awful about commenting on all your smart, interesting, funny, insightful blogs. I often barely make it through reading before I have a baby slamming his little hands on my keyboard. Commenting has been tough lately.

I need to do better with my time management. I am sometimes shocked by how little I get done in an average day.

Part of it is exhaustion. I haven't slept a full night since Jay came home from the hospital. He is the best baby in the whole world...I would just love it if he started sleeping through the night.

Anyway, I have lost a couple followers and I want to just acknowledge I suck. I agree with you. I would unfollow me too.

But, if you hang in there, I promise it will get better. It may not happen until September, but it will get better.

:)

When Life Hands You Lemons, Go Out For Pancakes

2011-07-26T21:26:00.002-04:00

It was a rough day. There were rumors for months that the local branch of Adam's job would be closing. This morning they were told there would be a big meeting that afternoon to discuss the closings. It was very stressful.

It turns out the surrounding cities have branches closing, but our local branch will remain open. There were layoffs and there are still some concerns, but things are looking better than they were this morning.

We decided to go out for pancakes for dinner because it had been such a hard day.

I was on the fence about whether to get Jayden his own kids meal for the first time.

It's a good thing I did! I ordered him pancakes and fruit and (other than a little bit of pancakes and two chunks of fruit I ate) he finished his meal!

As the waitor was putting down Jayden's plates, Jayden grabbed a pancake right off the plate and started eating!

I had to pull his plates away because he stuffed his cheeks full of food!

Sometimes all it takes is a dinner like this and we are reminded how lucky we are.

DIY Pacifier

2011-07-22T09:45:00.001-04:00

The only time we let Jayden have a pacifier is when he is sleeping- both at night and naps. When he wakes up, we take it from him. He still has some stashed away, like in his toy box. Every once in a while we'll see him walking around with one.

This morning Adam put Jayden in his playroom and we started to get ready for work. He stood at the gate and watched us, like he usually does.

I was a little blurry eyed from just waking up (and Jay keeping me up all night) but I saw he had a pacifier in his mouth. I looked closer and thought it looked really big. I walked over to him and realized it was his rubber ducky.

Since we took his pacifier away, he decided to make his own.

Things Have A Way Of Working Out

2011-07-19T15:37:00.004-04:00

I've recently had some turn over with my job. Within the past year and a half two children moved out of the area so they could no longer come here for child care. Another child stopped coming because she turned 12 and her mother decided it was time to let her stay home and get on the bus herself. Another child had two new siblings added to her family so her mom decided to stay home full time.

I've had a large number of children in the past and I've even had a waiting list at times. I went into this summer with the lowest number of kids I have had since I started. All of them part time.

I was freaked out about it and we had to come up with a plan on how to save money in other areas in order to make it work. Especially since the IRS still hasn't given us our tax return. (Many adoptive families have had this issue. They are still "reviewing" our adoption expenses that we claimed.)

There is a lot of pressure on me when things change and I make less. It is made worse by the fact that I have absolutely no control over it. I lost a lot of sleep over these changes.

We are now almost a month into summer vacation. Despite the decrease in pay...I have to admit....having less kids right now is a blessing in disguise.

Jayden is a high maintanence baby. No doubt about it. He likes it when I am in the room when he naps. (How does he always know?!?!) If I am on the opposite side of a gate from him, he flips out. He still doesn't sleep through the night. He is a needy little one. Which is fine, but it makes 12 hour work days very hard on me.

Having a day or two off during the week is kind of awesome. And I honestly don't know what I would have done if I had to work all day, everyday. I am not sure I would have survived it.

On the days without other kids we can be more flexible with our schedule. We both can catch up on sleep- I sometimes get to take a nap with him and he sleeps longer because there are no big kids around to play with. It also gives us more opportunities to go off on adventures with grandma while she has off from teaching for the summer.

This is one of those situations that seems devestating at first but then as it happens you realize it was exactly what you needed. The universe gave you exactly what you needed when you didn't even know that was what you needed.

It kind of reminds me of our long struggle to start our family. Who knew someday I would look back at it all and be at peace with it and think it worked out and had the best possible outcome.

Maybe there is a little lesson in this for me.

Summer Goals

2011-07-18T09:33:00.002-04:00

Summer Goals:

~~Survive my~~ ~~sister's baby shower~~ ~~and my family reunion in 93 degree heat.~~ ~~(Note- I melt if it's over 72)~~
Organize my craft stuff and finish transforming our back porch into my craft room.
Finish planning Jayden's 1st birthday party.
Use all my groupons.
Learn how to cook all the vegetables we get in our CSA.
Make time for "date nights" with Adam after Jayden goes to sleep.
Get caught up on Jayden's scrapbook (which I haven't even started!)
Teach Jayden more signs.
Take Jayden to the beach.
Take Jayden to the water part of the Zoo.
Get new families to sign up for childcare in the Fall.
Finalize our adoption!!

What are your summer plans?

10 Months

2011-07-15T10:49:00.001-04:00

BIRTH

ONE MONTH

TWO MONTHS

THREE MONTHS

FOUR MONTHS

FIVE MONTHS

SIX MONTHS

SEVEN MONTHS

EIGHT MONTHS

NINE MONTHS

TEN MONTHS

This month's pictures were not easy to get. Most of them are just pictures of him trying to either grab the camera or escape off the couch.

The pictures may be harder to get, but spending time with him keeps getting more and more fun.

He initiates peek-a-boo and thinks it's so funny when we play with him. He will use a blanket, a bib, or sometimes just hides behind an object or person.

He walks around like it's no big deal while Adam and I are still amazed everyday. His balance has gotten so good.

He's been teething like crazy, but still only has his bottom two teeth. I finally broke down and bought an amber baby necklace. I am willing to try anything at this point. I don't want to give him tylenol or advil all the time. I'll let you know if the amber necklace works.

The baby gates that we added last month work great. They keep him safe and they're easy for us to walk through. Just this week we added one at the bottom of the steps because he figured out how to get up the stairs really fast. The rest of the baby proofing seems to be holding up well. Although I see him trying to figure out how to get the outlet plugs out or open the cupboards.

Meals are hard. Harder than I expected them to be. I've learned that it's best to do meals right after he wakes from his nap. If I try feeding him when he's tired, almost none of the food makes it into his mouth. One day he may love something, the next day it gets thrown on the floor. I never know what to expect, other than the fact that by the end of the meal food will be in his hair. I've decided babies this age should be fed naked in the backyard so they can be hosed off at the end of each meal.

He loves water.

He went to his first parade and loved it.

We were worried about how he would do with going to fireworks on the 4th of July, but he loved it! He wasn't scared of the loud noises and he even knew to look up everytime. The real surprise came when he fell asleep in the middle of them! We have no idea how he was able to sleep through fireworks!!

We went to a farm with some other adoptive families. Jayden had a great time. He especially loved the goats. We sat together on hay and watched them for a long time.

We saw the sweetest little newborn baby goat.

I love my sweet little snuggle bug.

First Holidays

2011-07-10T12:18:00.001-04:00

I had a Groupon for making a photobook and as I was thinking about what to put in the book, I realized that Jayden has had all of his "first" holidays. Starting with Halloween and ending with 4th of July. I decided to make a book of all those holidays. It always takes me forever to do this stuff. This one took days!

I love the book so much I decided to share with all of you:

(Yes, I included Dr Seuss' Birthday as one of the holidays. hehe)

The Cuteness Is Killing Me

2011-07-05T13:52:00.002-04:00

Jayden can do new things everyday and I love watching as he grows. Lately the cuteness of the new things he can do is killing me.

Like walking. I can't get over how adorable it is to see this 17 pound peanut walking around the room. He walks more and more each day. At this point he can now walk across the whole room and even take a break in the middle to just stand there and look at something and then start again.

He walks around like it's no big deal, but I am still amazed all the time.

He has a very strict no walking if I have a camera in my hands policy, but I did manage to catch these pictures:

He caught me with the camera so now he's going to sit.

Jayden's love for cats is another thing that I think is adorable and I can't get enough of. He lights up when he sees one and he often says his own version of cat or kitty. Cat is just the "k" sound. Kitty is like "iiiieeeee."

He even recognizes cats in his books.

The only thing cuter than him recognizing cats in books is when he sees a bunny in a book and calls it a cat. He thinks all bunnies are cats too. HOW CUTE IS THAT?

Sometimes I give him a little bowl of food to snack on in his play area. I watch him as he eats and every once in a while I catch him sitting there signing "more" to himself in between eating.

Don't even get me started on the baby kisses.

I'm telling you, this kid is killing me with the cuteness.

Check Your Sunscreen

2011-07-02T10:52:00.000-04:00

Someone shared this website with me and I am so thankful to have this information that I thought I would share with all of you.

http://breakingnews.ewg.org/2011sunscreen/

You can look up the current sunscreen you are using for yourself or your child and find out what kind of toxins, chemicals, etc are in it.

I had gotten Aveeno baby sunblock for Jayden. It actually says "mild as water" on the label. I thought I was doing good spending a little more than what most sunscreens cost. Well, it turns out it's awful and full of baby poisons. It's on their Hall of Shame list. Luckily we hadn't used it yet.

I've now switched to one of the sun blocks on the best list. It costs more, but it's safer.

Whatever you use to protect yourself from the sun, I hope you have a wonderful 4th of July weekend!!

Craft Supply Hoarder Update

2011-06-25T13:17:00.000-04:00

You may remember my post about being a craft supply hoarder. Since I wrote that post last March, I have been working on changing our back porch into a craft room. Even though most days I could only work on it 5-10 minutes at a time before the baby would need me, I did get it done little by little.

As I said, organization is very difficult for me.

I was actually very proud of myself for what I did.

It took me forever to put the shelves together and organize things into baskets. (Yes you read that right- I organized things into little baskets!!!)

I was going to take pictures to post on here. I just had a few things to finish.

Then it happened.

The night before our court investigator came (the very last step to finalizing our adoption!) I was trying to get Jayden to sleep and Adam was doing some last minute cleaning, which included putting something on the craft shelves. I was upstairs in the nursery so I didn't hear the loud crashing sound.

Adam came up and gave me the bad news.

All of our shelving that was holding my scrapbooking supplies had come apart and there were craft supplies EVERYWHERE.

Open stamp pads, spilled beads, all kinds of paper, stickers, markers, glue, scissors, photographs...

It was bad.

I had a complete breakdown and then we came up with a plan. My mom came over with large totes and we threw it all in them...then hid the totes in our cars! Our cars were filled- front, back, and trunk.

Our inspector came the next day and everything went very well.

So, now I am left with bins full of scrapbooking stuff. Exactly where I was at months ago. How depressing is that?

One thing I know for sure is that after all that craziness, I deserve real shelves this time, right? Not flimsy wire cubes that come apart!

I can't believe I am starting over again.

9 Months

2011-06-22T10:08:00.002-04:00

NINE MONTHS

Laughing.

I used to be able to put him on this little car to get some pictures, but now he knows how to stand up and swing his leg off of it to get up!

After taking Jayden's 9 month photos, we found the missing onesie stickers!!

I ended up doing his pictures all over again because I like the old stickers so much better than the replacement ones.

Hello out there!

I'm outta here.

Jayden loves books. I am constantly putting books back on the shelves throughout the day. He loves playing with them, moving them around, biting them, and looking through them.

For Jayden's 9 month "birthday" we gave him the gift of freedom. We expanded his roaming area. Big strong gates went up blocking him from going into the kitchen or hallway and then everything in between was baby proofed, which was no easy task.

Our living room has become a big play room. Completely safe and filled with toys. He loves it.

The most annoying toy ever.

I hear it in my sleep.

The batteries died on his raceway so now he uses it as a chair or something to stand on in order to look out the window. Daddy will have to put new batteries in soon.

Eating is going very well. He is great with finger foods. He only has two teeth but does so well with everything he tries. He is a big fan of mexican food. Out of all the kinds of fruits and vegetables he has had, the only one he hasn't liked is watermelon! I thought maybe it was a fluke, but everytime I give him watermelon, he makes a face and spits the pieces back out.

There have been so many big milestones this past month. Everyday he is becoming more and more like a toddler and less like my little baby.

He has started saying "Mama." At first I thought he was just saying it, but then I began to realize he really knows what it means. Like for example, he will say it if he's upset I am leaving the room. Or if he's not getting his way with daddy he will sometimes say it. Or if I have something he wants and he's coming towards me to get it.

For a while he was shaking his head "no" at us, which was adorable. He hasn't done it in a while though.

He has started walking unassisted a little bit! Just a few steps here and there, but it's very exciting. The other night I put him down and assumed he would squat down and crawl away. Instead, he stood there for a second and then walked away! We can never catch it on video though. He's always been good at that. We'll video for 5 minutes, stop the camera, and then that's when he'll do it.

He went to his first wedding! He did very well.

Jayden and Grandpa at the wedding.

Unfortunately he also went to his first funeral. I discovered how loud a baby is in a quiet church. He wasn't crying or anything, but just normal sounds are loud, especialy with the church echo. We sat towards the back so we could make a quick exit if needed. He did very well, but I spent the whole time stressing out about it.

He loves water! Whether it's his little baby pool in the backyard, the spray park I took him to, or Grandma and Grandpa's big pool, he loves it!

He got his first haircut!

He graduated from his infant car seat. He seems to be enjoying it. I miss being able to just pick the car seat up and carry him inside wherever we are going if he's sleeping, but he seems so much happier in it so it is a good change. (I still sit in the back with him whenever Adam is driving, hehe.)

Just two nights ago he said "kitty" when one of my parents' cats walked past him. It was extra special because my parents and my Aunt and Uncle got to hear it. I've always said kitty would be one of his first words because we say it so often with him at home. He loves the cats.

He signs the words "finished," "more," and "milk." Although, his sign for milk is just opening his hand and holding it up high. His favorite is "finished." If we just say the word, he signs it. We use it most when he's done eating in his high chair, but he also sometimes uses it when he wants to get out of his car seat or wants to be done with a diaper change. He has also used it if he's just frustrated with a situation. Like if we are on the opposite side of one of the gates from him.

He gives baby kisses, which just involve him touching our skin with his mouth wide open. I love them.

We had a great Father's Day.

Jayden and Daddy being silly on Father's Day.

We have our 9 month well visit later this week. I am looking forward to seeing where he is with those percentiles now. He's had a big growth spurt and was over 17 lbs when I last weighed him.

Jayden is a happy, healthy 9 month old boy and we can't get enough of him. I think our love for him grows every month.

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6/25/11 Update:

I tried watermelon for a 3rd time and this time he LOVED it. Chewed it right down to the rind! haha. I think he just needed to get used to the texture.

First Haircut!

2011-06-14T17:08:00.000-04:00

Jayden got his first haircut!

He was pretty much born needing a haircut so this was long overdue. I was able to put it off because it was humid out, which makes his hair curly. Once the humidity was gone, I saw how long it was and I knew it was time.

We took him to place called Haircuts for Peanuts. They specialize in babies and children.

Before!

After!

Party Planning

2011-06-12T19:13:00.003-04:00

You guys, I have a confession.

I am really excited about planning Jayden's first birthday party.

I know it's early.

But, I can't help myself!!

I may or may not already be working on his party invitations.

So....I thought I would ask all of you...

What is the coolest thing you've ever seen at a birthday party? It doesn't have to be something grand (let's face it, I don't have the money for grand.) Just something you thought was a nice touch.

The kind of thing that made you think- Oooh, I want to use that someday.

Or do you have a great party planning website?
(I have taken a little look at pinterest and will probably be fully sucked into it soon.)

I do have an idea for how I want to use his monthy pictures. (Or at least I know that I do want to use them.)

But other than that, I don't know. I can't even decide on a theme!

I don't want to go overboard, but I do want it to be something special. I already know we're having at at my parents' house. I looked into what it would cost to do it at the zoo...yikes...maybe when he's older. But, I am excited about having it at my parents' house and this way we can do all the cooking.

I am considering making his cake. I always imagined I would, but these days it's hard to fit in the time to cook even a simple meal. I have not done any real cake decorating in over 9 months. I was thinking of maybe trying to do cake pops for the first time to go along with the cake.

So, as you can see, I need help. Any ideas you have would be great!! I know so many of my twitter and bloggy friends are way more creative than me!

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Update: I officially have first birthday party fever. I have been having so much fun following all of your links and getting ideas! Thank you so much!!! Keep your ideas coming!

Best Birthday Present Ever

2011-06-11T16:12:00.001-04:00

Thank you for all the birthday wishes!

It was a great day. I brought Jayden out to the baby pool for the first time and he loved it!

Honestly, Jayden loving the water was the best present I ever could have received. We had so much fun!

Seeing the water for the first time.

Thinking about going over.

Heading over.

In the water!

Breaking Up With The Birthday Blues

2011-06-09T10:10:00.001-04:00

Infertility and birthdays do not mix well.

If you are facing infertility, your birthday just reminds you of your declining fertility. And that another year has gone by and you are still not a mother. I have had some dark birthdays over the years.

Of course any chance at fertility was wiped away with one surgery for me.

And now I am a mother!

So, I guess it's time to officially break up with the birthday blues.

Birthdays still make me feel a little uneasy.

But, when I came on the computer this morning, I found so much love on Facebook and Twitter.

Adam hung up a cute Happy Birthday sign for me in the living room.

I get to look at this face all day:

And I get cookie cake tonight!

So, yes, I am breaking up with the birthday blues.

Graduation From The Infant Car Seat

2011-06-06T11:49:00.002-04:00

Our pedicatrician warned us at our last appointment to keep an eye on Jay's height. She said he would probably hit the height limit for his car seat before the weight limit.

He had a big growth spurt recently so we decided it was time to start shopping for a new car seat.

COMING HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL

9/13/10

JAY'S LAST DAY IN HIS INFANT CAR SEAT

6/1/11

(Yes, I am teary about him growing out of his infant car seat.)

BIG BOY IN HIS NEW CAR SEAT

(Note- The angle I was holding my phone when I took this picture was a little weird, but he is still rear facing and will be for a long time!)

Holding My Breath

2011-06-02T10:17:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a while.

I think maybe it's because we are so close to finalizing our adoption that I am just holding my breath.

The steps to finalization have felt endless.

We got fingerprinted. Again. I swear we get fingerprinted more often than most criminals. This time it was done electronically for the court.

(Weird side note: The person doing mine said she can tell I work with my hands because my fingerprints are worn. So weird.)

We had both state and federal background checks done again.

We filled out more paperwork. And then some more. Oh, yeah, and then some more.

Multiple calls, faxes, and e-mails to our agency and our lawyer.

FINALLY, our case has been submitted to court.

Everything is all done....except for one last step. In our county the judge sends his own inspector out to your house.

We've had a social worker here eight times so far. Five times before Jay was born and then another three times after he was here.

Now we have an inspector coming. Our very last step before finalization.

All we need is for him to come ask us questions and look around. Pretty much the same stuff our social worker did multiple times.

THEN WE ARE DONE!

It makes me teary just thinking about going in front of a judge and finally being declared forever a family.