And Then Things Got Worse

As you know, we've been in a tough financial position since I lost four of the kids I was watching. We've been going week by week just trying to get by and pay our bills. No extra spending. The only reason we've even made it this far is because we got a portion of our tax return. (We're still waiting for the adoption tax credit portion that we need to pay back our adoption loan.)

It's been tough. And nothing makes a marriage more rocky than the stress that comes from real financial problems. We've been fighting more and everything feels just so much harder.

Then over the weekend we got pulled over for having an expired inspection. I lost it. I was mad at Adam for not getting the inspection done. He kept putting it off saying we didn't have the money for it, but I warned him if we got a ticket that would be even more money we don't have. So, when we got the ticket, I had a breakdown. Tickets are so expensive and it's like just giving money away.

We made sure to get the car in for an inspection as soon as possible.

The night before the car was looked at Adam was joking around and asked what I would do if it needed expensive repairs. We had a good laugh over how that would really be the last straw. But, I didn't even think twice about it because that is our good car. My car is the one I won't even let Jayden go in because it needs so much work. Adam's car would only need maybe one or two minor things.

Then I got an e-mail from Adam at work the next day that said the repairs required to pass inspection will be about $1,000. I wrote back that's it's not funny. No response. I started to get nervous and wonder if he could be serious. I called to yell at him for making me worry with his joke...but it was no joke.

I called the mechanic myself to go over everything. I full on cried on the phone. (So embarrassing!) I told them not to do anything because we would not be able to pay them at the end of it. He said he would run some more diagnostics and then give me a firm amount we will owe so we could decide what to do.

He was really nice about the whole thing but basically there was no way it woud be less than $900. He offered to keep the car for a while, but that really doesn't help since we will be in the same financial position next week...and the week after. And that is the only car we drive Jayden anywhere in and it has his car seat.

After a lot of talking and going over our finances, we made a plan. It's not a great one. It's puts us much deeper in the hole we were already in, but we have a plan.

I am just so tired of this all. I hate living like this. Someone that already has a problem with anxiety does not do well when there are real money problems to deal with on a daily basis. I worry so much.

As I type this I can hear Adam driving down the street in my car. (He's coming home early so we can pick his car up before the mechanic closes.) Yes, I can actually hear him coming from the other end of the street. That's how awful the car is. Sometimes you just have to laugh at it all, right?

The one positive in this car situation is that Adam and I handled it as a team. No fighting. Just working together to decide what to do. I hope this is a good turning point. We've been a team through infertility, cancer, and adoption. We need to get back to that.