Ball Of Anxiety

You may remember me writing this post last summer about how I had a complete breakdown calling my gynecologist for an appointment for the first time since my hysterectomy.

Well, I never went to that appointment. When it came time, there was an emergency at work and Adam could not get the time off to come with me. Then we were busy with Jayden's adoption finalization and his first birthday. I did make another appointment but cancelled it because my anxiety got the best of me.

My family has been harassing me for a long time and I finally made an appointment a month ago. I liked that they had a long wait until they could see me. But, that wait time is almost over. My appointment is in 12 days. (Aaaand...cue the tears....)

I need to go to this appointment. I know how important it is. But, my insides feel all twisted in knots when I think about going.

Adam is taking off from work so he can go with me and watch Jayden while I have my appointment.

Just taking a step into the office is going to be really hard for me.

We're waiting to hear from the IRS about our money they STILL haven't paid us. (Despite filing in early February.) They said they have until the end of this month to either release our money or ask for more information for us. It's really scary to wait and know we can't pay bills much longer without it. Our finances have been such a juggling act for months now.

Tomorrow morning my mom is leaving for a two week trip to visit my brother. It's going to be hard having her so far away. My anxiety is always worse when she travels. And now I am also feeling sad about how long she will go without seeing Jayden. Since he was born they've never been apart more than a few days and lately they've been spending a lot of time together.

So, basically, I'm a ball of anxiety.

Now that I have blogged about my appointment, I have to go. It's going to be awful and I'm probably going to cry, but I'll go.

Sigh.