Birthday Party Progress

I wasn't as productive as I had hoped this weekend, but I did make some progress. Here it is:

(I still have a ways to go with these. This is less than half of what we will need.)

(It will say Happy Birthday Jayden when it's complete.)

The Invitation

I asked you guys for party planning websites and advice a couple months ago and oh boy did you come through!

I had so much fun following all your links and gathering ideas.

The big party is only three weeks away now. We will be finalizing our adoption the week before Jayden's party so we will be celebrating both finalization and his first birthday in one big party. I AM SO EXCITED!!

I decided to go with an animal theme because Jayden loves animals.

I am in the middle of a couple birthday party projects right now that I will be sharing with all of you when I get a little farther, but for now I will leave you with a picture of the invitation.

Not pictured is an insert asking guests to bring something to add to Jayden's "First Birthday" time capsule. A letter, picture, poem, song lyrics, newspaper clipping-- whatever they think of.

Also not pictured is the address labels I had made for his invitations. On the left side of the label, there is a little cake with the number 1 on it. On the right side, there is a picture of Jayden.

11 Months

Eleven Months

I gave him food to eat so he would sit there long enough for pictures :)

Sitting didn't last long.

Sometimes you have to catch pictures as he runs by.

He still loves looking at books.

He loves to play peek-a-boo. He started this round by peeking around a corner at me.

If you say, "How big is Jayden?" he loves to do "SO BIG" with his arms. He gets a big smile on his face when he does it. Adam can't get enough of it.

Jayden has become such a little person. I feel like we're friends now. Like we have inside jokes and laugh with each other about things. Just as I was getting sad about him turning one soon, he turns into this awesome little person and I can't be sad because I am too busy being excited for what's next.

Like his love for trains makes me so excited about getting him a train table to play on. He has played with train/car tables at Barnes and Noble and the library. There was one at a party we went to and he played with it for most of the time we were there. I plan on getting him one for Christmas.

He actually loves anything with wheels. My brother got him his first bike. (He has to grow a few inches to use it, hehe.) He loves to spin the wheels when the bike is upside down.

We had a family reunion this past month so he got to play with cousins that he had never played with before.

He went to the beach for the first time. He did so well with both the sand and the water. He loved it.

He had his first outing with just Jayden and Daddy. They went to the neighborhood playground one evening after Adam got out of work. Adam said there were all sorts of people to meet and things to play on, but Jayden was only interested in playing with Adam's keys.

He has figured out how to play his basketball game and he LOVES IT.

He likes playing with his kick ball too.

He enjoys playing with his raceway when Adam sits and plays with him.

But his favorite way to use his raceway is to sit in it.

He's gotten so good at walking. Even on tricky surfaces like grass, sand, and wood chips. He can walk and carry big toys or even drink from his sippy cup as he goes. He has gotten pretty fast, especially if he sees a gate open and wants to make a run for it. The coolest thing was watching him learn how to walk uphill. The trial and error on that was so funny. It took a couple falls back on his bottom before he realized he needed to lean into it.

He says hi, mama, kitty, and dada (actually, either da or dadada.) One day when Adam came home from work Jayden was watching him at the front door and saying "dadada." One time at the spray park Jayden got sleepy so I was holding him so he could take a nap and as he fell asleep, he touched my face and said "mama." It was so sweet. My heart melted. Kitty is his favorite one. He loves kitties. Kitties in books, on puzzles, or in real life. One day I heard him scream and I looked over quick and realized it was because he found a kitty in one of his books. He got all low to the ground where the book was and put his face right up to it so he could get a better look.

He says a few other words if we say them first. If not the whole word, then something that sounds like it.

He signs finished, more, listen, and milk. Although he hasn't been signing as much the last couple weeks.

He doesn't clap yet, but he now waves hello and goodbye.

He has started to hold his own bottle every once in a while if he needs to, but he would rather me do it. I think he's been able to do it for quite some time because he's been drinking well from a sippy cup for months. He just doesn't do it because he wants me to. I'll admit, I really don't mind it. Snuggling close to feed him is really nice. And with him eating more food and having less bottles, I cherish that time.

He had another haircut this month! It wasn't that long ago that he had his first one. I can't believe how long his hair had gotten again.

I bought his summer clothes in 9 months and 12 months, which has turned out to be a waste because he is not even close to fitting into 12 months yet. In fact, if he isn't wearing a cloth diaper, he still wears size 6 month shorts.

But, he is finally big enough to be able to wear baby leg warmers!! (Which I LOVE!!) Until now they would just fall down to his ankles right away.

He still only has those two little bottom teeth! There are two on the top that are coming...but they are taking forever and haven't broken the skin yet. It's really funny because they are not the front two. They are the next ones so he will look like a baby vampire when they finally come in.

The best thing about this past month is that we got our finalization date!! I can't wait to go to court and finally be declared a forever family.

I love this baby so much.

Well, If My Chart Didn't Say "Crazy" Before, It Does Now

Confession: I have not been back to the gynocologist since my hysterectomy.

I went to my post-op oncology appointment, but that was it.

My gynocologist wrote me a prescription for a year of low dose hormones, but those ran out. And I knew I couldn't get more refills without an appointment (that was long overdue) but I just couldn't bring myself to make an appointment. Just picking up the phone to call filled me with anxiety. So, I put it off.

This afternoon I finally did it. I called for an appointment.

Out of nowhere tears started streaming down my face as I did it. I really wasn't expecting that.

They wanted to know why I was making the appointment and just talking about the hysterectomy stirred stuff up in me. They realized how long it had been and commented on that. I then started babbling on about anxiety and pregnant people sitting in the waiting room. (To a fellow infertile that makes sense. I'm not sure the person on the phone had any idea what I was talking about.)

I asked if I could bring my baby to the appointment because I didn't have anywhere else for him to go. I said he could just sit in his stroller. She asked how old he was and then said it's no problem. That was the end of the conversation.

I hung up and started bawling. There was just so much emotion stirred up in me.

A minute goes by and the phone rings. I saw it was the gynocologist office so I answered it despite my crying. It was the end of the day so I didn't want to risk not being able to call them back and find out what they wanted.

It was another woman this time. She said they wanted to get a little more information as to why I was making the appointment so they knew what kind of appointment to book me for.

But I quickly realized the real reason they were calling is because I freaked them out by saying I have a 10 month old baby. (Which, in hindsight, is a little funny.)

She said "We have no record of you having a baby."

Uh, yeah, I had a hysterectomy a year and a half ago so I obviously did not give birth to my 10 month old.

Meanwhile, by the way, I am full on crying through this whole conversation, so I felt like I had to address the obvious sobs.

I told her I have a lot of anxiety about this appointment. And going back into this office will bring up a lot of old feelings. I used to go there to get pregnant. Now I have no uterus.

She said something about how I am a mother now.

Which is totally valid and I understand her perspective. But, not having been through what I have, she can't fully understand why having a baby doesn't magically make all that pain go away.

Things moved very quickly from infertility patient to cancer diagnosis and radical hysterectomy.

I have not been back there since.

We were well into the adoption process at the time I was diagnosed, but again, that didn't make it any easier.

As I cried and talked about it a little more, she really got it and said it is understandable after everything I have been through.

She asked if I wanted a new doctor, which wasn't AT ALL what I wanted. My doctor was amazing with giving me my diagnosis and talking me through all the surgery decisions when my oncologist was a self absorbed asshat.

She asked if I wanted my doctor to call me before my appointment to check in, which was an amazing offer. I really appreciated that. When my doctor called me with me diagnosis, she actually gave me her cell phone number in case I needed her. She really went above and beyond.

The way this all hit me...just from one phone call to the office...I am worried about going to this appointment. It's going to be so hard.

I feel like I have some sort of infertility post traumatic stress.

Baby In A Bowtie

We finally have an adoption finalization date!!

Once we got the date, I ordered Jayden an outfit to wear to court. It works out well because we have a wedding to go to just two days after our court date so he can wear it to both.

It came yesterday and I immediately tried it on him.

We started with the hat, but that didn't last long on his head.

Baby in a bowtie!!

(Books are better when you read them upside down...and wearing a bowtie.)

We gave the hat one more chance, but it came off right after this.

And I'll leave you with the picture that made me laugh out loud when I saw it...

"Mom, why did you make me dress up in this outfit and then take a hundred pictures of me?"

I Know I Suck

I suck at blogging. I'm sorry.

I have a lot of guilt about it.

I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things. I'm working on it.

I have a bunch of posts bouncing around in my head. Some on adoption. One about finalization. One about my infertility. Some on parenting. A cloth diapering update. A first birthday party planning update.

None of them make it on my blog. They just dance around in my head.

All I manage to do is baby updates. I'm sorry. Especially for those visiting that are fertility challenged...I am truly sorry. (One major area of guilt for me.)

I've also been awful about commenting on all your smart, interesting, funny, insightful blogs. I often barely make it through reading before I have a baby slamming his little hands on my keyboard. Commenting has been tough lately.

I need to do better with my time management. I am sometimes shocked by how little I get done in an average day.

Part of it is exhaustion. I haven't slept a full night since Jay came home from the hospital. He is the best baby in the whole world...I would just love it if he started sleeping through the night.

Anyway, I have lost a couple followers and I want to just acknowledge I suck. I agree with you. I would unfollow me too.

But, if you hang in there, I promise it will get better. It may not happen until September, but it will get better.

:)