I recently went to a baby shower. My mom and Jayden were invited too so I decided it would be okay to go.
Of course as it got closer all those same old feelings started to come up. Why do I always forget that baby showers are not a good place for me? Can someone please remind me next time it comes time to RSVP to one?
As I was getting ready to go, I gave myself the same pep talk I have done for years. Telling myself I was fine, this was no big deal, I am happy for the person having the baby, etc. And reminding myself not to think those infertile thoughts.
It ended up being a huge shower. It was overwhelming. It was the kind of shower that makes me want to be as invisible as possible. And trying to keep a 14 month old quiet. happy, and not running through the room opening presents was no easy task. Although, I don't think I would have survived the shower without him.
One thing I did that I found helpful was pass on the games and concentrate on socializing with the few people there that I knew.
Of course I did receive some pressure to participate in games, but I responded by saying- "I am an infertile at a baby shower. By law I do not have to play shower games." I am proud to announce that it worked well and I highly recommend it to all of you. Give it a try. Maybe it will catch on. ;)
My cousin who was helping throw the shower has had two failed IVFs and is currently saving money for a third. I told her that I said I didn't have to play shower games because I am infertile. She agreed and added that she was so infertile that she didn't have to watch present opening. She washed dishes instead.
One thing I can honestly say is that my infertility being so out in the open is really liberating. And I love that my cousin is just as open as I am about it. We're a good team and it's nice to have each other. I wish more people had that. The only thing I can think of is the more we speak out, the less taboo all of this will be and the more likely people will be able to find support in places they never thought.
(Of course I understand it's not possible for everyone to come out of the infertile closet, but I do wish things were different. I've had friends come to me and tell me about their infertility but make me promise to keep it a secret because nobody in their life knows. It makes me sad.)
Friday, December 2, 2011
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"I am an infertile at a baby shower. By law I do not have to play shower games." I am proud of you, too! Wow.
ReplyDeleteWOW, excellent advice! Go Lisa!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Way to survive a baby shower! Ya know, there's some of the same taboos still surrounding birth mothers. I tell the other birth mothers I know a LOT how liberating and healing it's been for me to speak out about the fact that I AM a birthmom. I say this because I totally agree with you. While it's awesome to speak out just to find others in similar shoes for support, it's freeing & healing to speak out even if you don't find anyone else that's in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteIt does feel good to have it out there and not be such a secret, even though we are now pregnant. I feel that people understand that I deserve to enjoy this MORE now because we have waited so long to get here. You are so good and strong!
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you. Baby shower games are stupid, unless you know that there are good prizes. :) I can crack a word scramble like nobodies business. :)
ReplyDeleteHi! Here from iclw. I feel for you. And your cousin. What troopers you are. I have not yet had to attend a baby shower as an infertile, thank god! Going to check out more of your adoption story. Im leaning towards that direction at this point. I have so much to learn about it. :)
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