Saturday, January 7, 2012

Letting Go Is Not My Specialty

The background for this post, can be found here.

I couldn't get over the feeling that this whole thing was just a misunderstanding that got blown out of proportion. Surely if we talked it out, she wouldn't pull her kids from coming here over something so small.

Since she refused from the very beginning to talk to me about it at all, I decided to write her a letter. I explained in detail how I went about making the decision to call her. I told her what the daughter told me and why that information made the phone call necessary. That I was following common daycare protocol and it wasn't easy for me. I didn't want to make the call. And I said that it's hard for me to balance the needs of the families I watch with the needs of my own family. I really opened up to her and told her how much her children meant to me and that Jayden loves them. I told her about how well they've gotten into the routine here and told her about some of the things we've been doing. She isn't the one who picks the kids up so she doesn't really know. I thought the letter would help.

I haven't seen her since this all happened. She says goodbye in the driveway in the morning and stays out of view of me and her husband picks up in the afternoon. He has been acting completely normal- talking and playing with Jayden, talking with Adam and I, and acting like we're friends. It's nice to keep things normal and not feel awkward, but it's also hard to carry on like nothing is wrong. While we're laughing about something together I want to scream- YOU ARE RUINING OUR LIFE. It just doesn't sit well with me. The kids take forever to say goodbye to Jayden everyday. Lots of hugs, etc. I don't understand how he can watch that and it not have any impact on what's going on. They're sad saying goodbye for one night but they're going to pull the kids forever? My cheeks are always bright red by the time they leave. This is so hard on me.

I gave them the letter on Tuesday and never got a response. Then on Friday the kids told me they will be going to a new daycare. Logically I guess I knew the letter wouldn't make a difference. When someone is that mean to you they aren't going to change their mind. But, hearing it from the kids was like a punch in the stomach. It hurt so bad. They told me they will be going to the daycare their baby sister goes, which means one less stop for them both in the morning and afternoon. I am sure they are pleased with that and aren't even giving me a second though.

I barely held it together until they got picked up and then I broke down.

When they started here, we talked in detail about it's hard to get new kids mid year so I wanted to be sure they were committed to a full year. (If she wasn't sure, I was going to put an ad in the paper to get one more child.) She knows what this is doing to us. She also knows everything about the other two kids we lost due to their dad losing his job. She knows how serious this is. I just can't believe she would do this. The issue isn't the quality of care her children are getting. Or whether they are happy here. She's mad she didn't get away with sending a sick child here. And because of that she is fine with hurting a family like this. Even after my letter. I just can't get over how mean that is.

I have no control over this so I need to let it go. Letting things go is not my specialty.

I still have another whole week of them coming. Dragging this out is painful. I wish I could afford to tell them to never come back.


  1. The fact that their baby sister attends another daycare is the only thing that makes this situation make sense. At some point, the family probably got sick of taking the kids to two daycares, especially since they probably picked your daycare so the kids could play with their cousins all day. After the cousins were removed due to financial reasons, they probably wanted to pull their kids also and were just looking for a reason. In that case, there is nothing that you can do to change their mind.

    The only thing you could consider is that in our community the two most desirable preschools operate on a year long contract. Parents must commit to sending their children from September until June. You can make monthly payments, but you are on a yearly contract. They can get away with that since parents apply a year in advance for those daycares, but I'm not sure if new families would sign that for you, or if they would just pick another independent daycare provider.

    I'm so sorry your family is going through this, and wish you all the best in the future. I know it isn't much consolation, but you really didn't do anything wrong and there was nothing you could do to prevent this situation from happening.

  2. Oh, Lisa... I want you to know how sorry I am that you're going through this. It's an impossible situation. I wish there was something I could do to ease your stress right now, but all I can do is remind you to look at J's smiling face and hope it helps some.

    Love and luck...

  3. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. That woman is being immature and childish by hiding from you. She should take responsibility for her actions and at least have the guts to look you in the eye. I sincerely hope a miracle happens and you're able to get some more kids mid-year. ((hugs))

  4. What a tough situation! I am SO not good at letting go either. I would have a hard time not having a good resolution to this too.

  5. I think some people don't realize their actions can affect others lives...drastically sometimes. MK's family left me with no notice and no pay, I was upset, angry and confused on how they could do that to me. They knew everything finacially about me and just left me with nothing. Not to mention I had just spent almost 3 years completely raising their child. I had missed them sometimes, even though how angry they made me and how much they ruined my life. When I saw them for the first time since last spring, I realized (as they ate their lobster ravioli in front of me) that I wasted my time feeling sorry for myself and them. I know you guys will get through this. It'll suck and it'll be hard. But you have J's face to make you smile everyday (my J got me through everything :)) and you also have a friend who happens to live a mile away if you ever need anything (even if I am busy a lot). I'll spread the word and see what I can do. I'll be thinking about you guys.

  6. ((hugs))

    I don't know what else to say, I think the whole thing sucks.

    I really hate how people treat their childcare providers. People like you, are why people like me even feel comfortable about going to work.

    If we didn't have Lolo, I would be doing my best to stay home, seriously.

  7. Have you thought about instituting an "insurance" policy? You make families pay it up front, and if they stay the full year they get it back. My husband's school does it just because of jerks like this...

  8. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I will never understand how people can be so uncaring with their day care providers. I consider my provider like part of my family, she is helping me raise my daughter after all. I hope things improve for you soon.