I have to go to a baby shower today.
For twin girls.
I feel pressure to be okay with baby showers now.
But late last night, as I started dreading today's shower, I realized I am really not.
Jayden coming into our lives doesn't change that.
I really don't want to go. And if I have to play some kind of game like guess how big her belly is, I might just go cry in the bathroom for a while.
I am still not over the shock of the pregnancy itself. She got pregnant with twins while on birth control. That blows my mind. They have two other children and they are good parents. I have nothing against them in any way. But, pregnant with twins without trying? While actually trying NOT to get pregnant? Wow. I just can't wrap my head around it.
I've been watching the belly grow bigger over the last few months. She has even lifted up her shirt to show me on a few occasions. My immediate reaction is to avoid looking. It's just too much for me. I think that people assume since I have Jayden now that I am okay with all the pregnancy sharing.
I guess it's true that unless you are infertile, you really don't understand the pain. I've thought about trying to tell them, but I am afraid I will come off mean. I know they don't mean to hurt me, but sometimes it leaves me still feeling bad hours later.
I bought these cute cloth diapers:
...and a few other things in hopes that having cute presents to give would make me more excited about going.
Wish me luck today.