When you register for your wedding, it's a lot easier. You see something you like, you scan it.
The bottle decisions alone took about 7 hours to finalize. We had to decide in the store which brand to use, and then after talking to a lot of people after, we made decisions on how many of each size, which extra nipples we will need, etc. (By the way, bottles are surprisingly expensive. We bought 4 in the store, plus a bottle brush, and I was shocked how much it came to.)
For someone who has been dealing with infertility for seven and a half years, just walking into a baby store makes me you feel like an alarm is going to go off and security is going to come and tell you that you are a fraud and need to leave.
I was actually having anxiety as I sat in the chair in the registry area. Like I was doing something wrong.
When she asked me for my due date and I explained it was an adoption so I don't have a due date, she gave me a blank stare. Then she said, "Okay, when will you get the baby?" I said it could be tomorrow, or it could be months from now. Blank stare. I suggested we use a random date. I ended up choosing January 1, 2011. But then it really upset me to see 2011 on the paper. I know it's just a random date that means nothing, but it upset me. I really don't plan on still being waiting when 2011 hits.
When I got home, I went online and checked to see if I could change the date. I made it Decemeber 25, 2010 instead. Somehow that made me feel a little better. Although it really was a blaring reminder of the hardest part of the past two years- not knowing when it will happen. What I wouldn't give for a crystal ball.
Trust me, nobody wants to know the date it will happen more then me.
It bothers me that the computer program they use requires a date. Couldn't they have added in an adoption option in the program? That would not have been hard to do. I know I am not the only one who has come in there in my situation.
While they are at it, they could make up a few adoption gift bags to give people when they come in. Ones that don't include breast feeding guide books and the magazine Fit Pregnancy. It also had something called a Belly Bar. It says "moms-to-be need extra nutrients." I am guessing they aren't talking about me.
While we were there I was extra careful to not even gaze in the direction of anything for pregnant women. Like breast pumps, heartbeat monitors, or things you can use to play music for your baby in the womb. I felt like if I was caught looking at them someone would come over and say they are not for me.
I know I am more anxious than the average person, but I am guessing that other waiting adoptive parents can relate to at least some of these feelings.
I am also very shy about sharing my registry. I am afraid there is something on the list that screams out that I don't know what I am doing. I think that comes from the general feeling of being judged over the past two years. So far nobody that has seen our profile has chosen us to be parents. I feel a lot of extra pressure to prove I will be a good mother.
I thought registering would just be something fun to do. I was not prepared for all the emotions that came with it. I am definitely glad we got it started though. One less thing to worry about later. And now we have some bottles to get us started. I keep taking them out of their box and looking at them. I can't wait to use them.