Jayden is sleeping so I really should be sleeping too. He seems to have his days and nights mixed up and likes to stay up all night. Sleep around here is hard to come by.
But, I just wanted to write a few of my thoughts down.
When they brought him into the room at the hospital for the first time, he was in his little hospital bassinet and screaming up a storm. We had been in this little hot room for a long time and I was so anxious to see him. I asked if it was okay if I picked him up. They said yes and as soon as I did, he snuggled into my chest and stopped crying. That is the moment I fell in love with him. Everyday that feeling grows stronger. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel like my heart will burst.
I know this is cliche to say, but he was worth the wait. I would wait another two years if I had to in order to be with him. If I had gotten pregnant or if we adopted quickly, we would not have Jayden.
Things were really scary the first night. I am so grateful my Mom spent the night. As we get to know him better, things get easier. Of course we're not sleeping, but I think I am on some sort of newborn high because it doesn't really bother me. I mean, I get waves of complete exhaustion, and sometimes I do dumb things that remind me I am sleep deprived, but overall, I guess I am surprised at how little sleep I actually need!
I love that my Mom comes over after work everyday to see Jayden. It means so much to me that she loves him so much. She sent me a text five minutes after leaving the morning after she slept over that said she misses us already. One morning on her way to work she sent me a text saying she has Jayden fever. Both my parents have posted cute facebook statuses and lots of pictures. Jayden and my Dad had a special photo shoot. I will share those pictures in my next post! Their love and excitement reminds me that the long wait was just as hard on them as it was on us.
I have so many thoughts and feelings about Jayden's first Mom, but I have decided not to write about them here. I plan on doing it with pen and paper and putting it away somewhere special. I will just say that there is a very special place in my heart for her and I am thinking of her everyday. I wish we had a chance to meet. I will be sending letters and pictures every month to the agency that she can choose to receive at anytime. I have also said if she ever wants more contact than that, I would love to arrange something.
I am amazed at what a good father Adam is. He had never even held a baby before Jayden. He is an expert at diaper changes. Jayden HATES having his diaper changed and always screams, but Adam stays cool and gets in done a whole lot quicker than I do. Everytime he looks at Jayden, I can see the love in his eyes. Sometimes when we finally get Jayden to sleep and should be sleeping ourselves, we lay in bed talking about all the things we love about him.
To those of you who sent gifts, you all made me cry. Your kindness will always be remembered. Getting packages in the mail has been so much fun and as we open them, I tell Adam and my parents all about each of you. They have loved hearing about all your stories. We have had so much fun reading all the beautiful messages on Baby Shower for Lisa! that I have decided to make it into a book. Someday Jayden can see how loved he was by people all across the country with big hearts. I am working on writing an individual thank you to each of you. It's taking longer than I would like, but I will get there. I appreciate all of your friendship so much.
Adam is on the verge of grounding me if I don't get off the computer and eat some dinner. Somehow eating and sleeping just don't seem important to me anymore! It's been nice being able to blog for a short time though. Oh, and it may take me a while, but I will be back to blog reading before you know it! (I hope. I miss you guys!!!)
It's been one week with my baby boy. I love him so much.