I have my post-op appointment tomorrow at 11.
If you don't know why I am dreading seeing my oncologist, click here.
I would have thought if it were good news, he would have called me by now to let me know.
This is how my mind works. I start to think that if it were good news, he would have called me by now to tell me everything is fine and not to worry. But the fact that he is waiting until my appointment must mean it is bad news and he is waiting to tell me in person with Adam there.
When my gynocologist first told me of my diagnosis, she apologized for doing it over the phone. She said usually this sort of thing is done in person in an appointment. So, that has been in the back of my mind.
BUT, I know how I am. I know I worry too much about everything and that a lot of the time, it is a whole lot of worrying for nothing.
So, I am going to keep reminding myself that my oncologist is an ass. He isn't sitting there thinking, "Oh, I bet Lisa would feel a lot better if I called her and told her the pathology results were fine." Instead, my results came in and they probably went right into my chart and will be dealt with when I have my appointment. He probably hasn't even seen them or cared about them. He will probably look at them in the hall before he walks into the exam room I am in.
Or at least that is what I am telling myself.
As he said in my pre-op appointment, they have no way of knowing what stage the cancer is until they go in and take it all out. So, I know there is a chance bad news is coming tomorrow. He could tell me I need radiation or some other further treatment. But for now I am trying to remind myself that the chances of this all being over with are very good. I am especially telling myself over and over again not to read into him not calling me about results. Even though I am sure the results were in by last week at the latest.
No matter what the results are, Adam will be there and we will deal with whatever it is. Who knows, maybe my oncologist will even be nice this time. (Or at least put his phone down long enough to give me the results.)