Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Roller Coaster

The same thing happens everytime I am profiled. The same exact roller coaster of emotions. You would think I would be able to recognize this cycle and make changes.

First I get the call. I obsess over the details. I write every single thing they say down on a piece of a paper. I call Adam and talk about it, I do internet research, I talk to my mom, I talk to friends. I think, think, think....overthink everything. I worry about the risks. I worry about the money.

Then by that night, I am full of hope and excitement. And no matter how serious the risks are, I am completely done worrying about them. All I am thinking about by that point is how much I want that baby. I am so happy about the possibility.

Then a few days go by and I start to tell myself that if we were chosen, we would have heard by now. I start preparing myself for the disappointment. Even if it's based on nothing reasonable. I still convince myself we weren't chosen. I guess it's my way of protecting myself. I feel a knot in my stomach everytime the phone rings.

I need to find a way to get off this roller coaster ride.

I was hoping we would hear something yesterday. I was so emotional last night because we didn't. My friend who already adopted from our agency talked me off the ledge. She reminded me it takes time for an expectant mother to make her decision.

It's hard to wait over the weekend, but I am trying to relax and remind myself to be patient and stay hopeful.


  1. That must be so difficult. I am not adopting so I have no advice to give. I am thinking about you and praying this becomes less of a roller coaster!

  2. When I would find myself feeling that way I would just put on stupid music and dance like crazy. And I am a horrible dancer. But it made me feel better.

    Try it. And breathe.

  3. Aack, it would drive me crazy to think about having to be chosen like that! Hope you get a good news phone call on Monday!

  4. I feel for you, it has to be so nerve wracking and emotional. Sometimes I have to tell myself, "no news is good news". I know it's imposible to tell yourself but maybe it will help a little. Praying for you!

  5. Lisa, I think you're so strong to be able to go through this process! I hope that you hear something soon and won't have to be "waiting" Lisa for much longer! Wishing you lots of luck!

  6. Adoption is a roller coaster of emotions but definitely worth the journey. Hang in there!

  7. I am beginning to find that no matter what we are going through in life that it's a roller coaster...and it stinks. I'm sorry its so hard. :( ***hugs***

  8. Just stumbled upon your blog from someone's twitter feed...can't even tell you who (sorry). But I wanted to ask if your agency allows you your profile to be shown without notification. We told ours that we didn't want to know when a potential b-mom was looking at our profile. Maybe this is an option to guard your heart?