Monday, March 15, 2010

Close Calls

PCOSChick from His and Her Infertility told me recently about a woman who was arrested in Indiana for an adoption scam. She had contacted a number of different agencies and was even "matched" with multiple couples. She accepted money from the couples and each couple thought they were the only one. She was eventually caught and arrested.

PCOSChick sent me a link to an article about it and asked if she was the expectant mother we had been profiled for in Indiana a couple months ago. I read it and realized there is a possibility that it is the same person. (Probably not...but it could be?!) When we were profiled, I waited a couple weeks and then called the agency to find out if there was any word from her. They said they had not heard from her at all, but when they were talking to an agency in MA, they mentioned someone matching the description of her calling their agency too. So, my family advocate said that it seemed fishy. She said either she changed her mind about working with our agency, or she was calling multiple agencies. Also, I think I remember her first name being the same as the woman in the article. Could you imagine if it was the same person? It would mean she had our profile. Scary, huh?
This situation got me thinking about all the other times we came close to being hurt. Between January-May 2009, every case we were profiled for never ended in a placement. By talking to other people at our agency and reading the message boards, I was able to figure out who was chosen each time we were profiled during that time period. And then over time I heard/read one sad story after another as each one of those situations ended in a failed match or even failed placement. As disappointing as it was to not be chosen each time, it would have been a lot harder on us if we were matched and it didn't result in a placement. Not to mention, losing money would have made it harder for us to move forward.

One of the times we were profiled,  it was a situation that fit most people's grids so a lot of people were profiled for it. I didn't even really think we had a chance. Then a week later I found out the expectant mother had narrowed her choices down to two couples....and we were one of them!!! It was one of the most exciting moments of my life. Which led to being absolutely crushed days later when the expectant mother went with the other couple. But, a couple months later it ended up being a failed placement. The baby was placed with the couple and then they had the baby taken from them days later. If that was us, I don't know how I would ever get over that.

So, when I look back on the last 19 months I need to remember all the "close calls" we had with heartbreak and be thankful. Thankful that things have worked out the way they have. My time will come and maybe we have been waiting this long for a reason.

10 comments:

  1. What a horrible story. I know of a couple in Texas who are exploring adoption and they won't even consider domestic adoption because friends of theirs were caught up in a similar scam. It blows my mind that some people lack scruples and common decency.

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  2. Im sorry for all you have gone through..but like you said, you had a lot of close calls & sadly there are people like the lady in the article that prey on loving couples. So in a weird way, that is something to be thankful for.

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  3. This post gave me chills. I can't believe all the heartache that this process, which is supposed to be wonderful, causes! So terrible to prey on people that are opening up their hearts and wallets.

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  4. wow how scary is that? I am amazed at how people can do that! A similar thing happened to a friend of mine. There has to be a better way...

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  5. I always hear that the failed placement scenario, or the birth mother changing her mind, doesn't happen as often as people think it does, but this post makes me think it actually happens MORE than I ever realized!

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  6. I just want to clarify that all those cases in a row being failed matches was a really weird string of coincidences. It's not *that* common. It was just bad luck. Bad luck that they all happened in a row and bad luck that it just so happened that we kept being profiled for only those cases during that time. Within that time there was also an expectant mother who took our profile and then we never heard from her again. It was definitely a time when I wondered if adoptions actually ever happened. Although at least then there was a lot of profiling going on. Other times we have gone many months without hearing a word.

    And as far as the failed placement, that is extremely rare. I think it's only happened a couple times in the entire history of the agency. And right at time of placement they were warned it was a possibility. They were told if they chose not to go ahead, the baby would go to another couple. Which would have been us. That was a very close call. And the fact that failed placements are so very rare makes it all the more incredible to me that we actually came that close to it.

    In a weird way, we are lucky.

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  7. wow that is a lot of close calls! I can't imagine how painful it must be to bring a baby home and then have the birth mother change her mind and have the child taken away! Or to believe you will be bringing a child home only to learn you are being scammed! wow people can be so cruel. I still hurt for you and the 19 months of waiting you have endured, but I am so grateful you have not experienced that heartbreak.

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  8. People are sick human beings to try and make money off of couples who want to adopt a child. But like you said, in a weird way, you are very lucky. I am so glad you did not have to experience that pain and heartache.

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  9. My friend Krisanne had several adoption situations fall through. All for different reasons. She did end up adopting, twice. It just took time and the last time came really completely out of the blue.

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  10. I am so glad that y'all never had to experience any of that. Some people are sick and just prey on those who want to adopt. When I read about the adoption scammers it makes me so pissed off!

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