It's Sunday night. Time to get ready for a new work week. The only thing good about Sunday nights is watching Brothers and Sisters and that isn't even on tonight.
I am completely overwhelmed. The stress of everything this week is getting to me.
I am really scared of my surgery on Tuesday. Really scared. Scared of going to the hospital, scared of being put completely out, scared of the surgery itself, scared of what they will find. I've had this surgery three times before, but it's been 4 years since the last time. And my Mom can't come this time and that makes it a little scarier. (It's probably scarier for Adam too since he won't have back up if I run away in my hospital gown at the last minute and refuse to have surgery.)
Thanksgiving is this week. That brings out a whole bunch of feelings I don't want to deal with. Thanksgiving day is 16 months that we have officially been "waiting." Holidays always make the wait a lot worse for me. I can't believe we are going to have another Thanksgiving without our baby. A year ago right now we were being profiled for the first time. I was so sad when we were not chosen, but I knew the chances of being chosen the first time were slim. I told myself not to worry and that by next Thanksgiving we would probably be with our baby. Since then I have learned not to tell myself things like that. (Or at least I try not to anymore.)
I am really missing my siblings. When they are home, everything is so much fun. We have dinners together and hang out and play games. But, they are only here a couple times a year and that makes me so sad. This was a really bad weekend. I spent the whole time being sad and anxious. It's times like these that I wish they could be here. They can't come home at all for Thanksgiving this year.
I am sorry for all the sad blog posts lately. I will be writing a list of things I am thankful for later this week to make up for it. I do have a lot to be thankful for. And if you are reading this, you are one of those things I am thankful for!!!