This Wasn't Supposed To Happen

I had a plan. I was taking a break from everything fertility. I had three normal biopsies in a row. I had an IUD put in that was supposed to be a treatment for abnormal cell growth. Everything was supposed to be fine. My doctor said she wanted me to have another biopsy in a year just to be safe. Nothing to worry about, right?

Meanwhile, my uterus was plotting against me.

They already know from the biopsy that the cells are back and they are worse than ever. They have crossed over from being annoying and hard to get rid of to being dangerous. There are a couple different ways things can go after the surgery on Tuesday and none of them are good.

At the very least I will be on hormones to kill the cells. I have done this before and can do it again, but it's not fun. There are a list of side effects and I get them all. I am sick and pale when I am on them. My mom can look at pictures and pick out which ones were taken while I was on it.

Worst case scenerio is that the oncologist decides I need to have a hysterectomy. Not exactly what a 31 yr old who has never had children wants to hear.

I am trying to slowly come to terms with the fact that I am probably never going to be pregnant. A lot of people come to terms with this before they begin the adoption process, but my situation was a little different. I always thought we would begin with adoption and then have a mix of adopted and biological children. At 31, I am not ready to just close the door on that possibility.