I feel bad about my post from last night. I feel like I cheated on adoption.
Adam and I are very excited about adopting. There has never been any doubt in our mind that we would fall head over heals in love with our baby. There is no question.
I thought we would adopt, then try again to get pregnant. I have always wanted a big family and was excited at the idea of having a mix of adopted and biological children. Last night's post was just me coming to terms with the fact that I will never be pregnant. And that this major change in my life is permanent.
I have gone through every stage of the grieving process at least ten times. I keep cycling through them. Thank you for the support you have all given me!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
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Hi Lisa, I just found your blog. In a pre-IVF workup this Spring I was diagnosed w endometrial cancer, so I kindof know what you're going though, especially w the finality of a hysterectomy (I had that surgery a month ago today).
ReplyDeleteI was able to have an IVF cycle where we froze all embryos before the surgery -- just something to keep in mind, it does give you an option to have your own genetic offspring (although you'd need a gestational carrier/surrogate for pregnancy). None of the options are easy, I know.
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who cycles through all the stages of grief again & again...
I can only imagine the grief that I would feel. We are all here to support you, help you and hopefully make you laugh some of the time :)
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine what you are going through. They want to do a Hyster. on me, but I told them NO, not until I have atleast one kid of my own. I have to be on hardcore pain meds to be able to even TTC and I just hate it, but I'm dealing. You will get your child by adopting, I was adopted, (by my grandparents) and they are my Mother and Father also. I have 2 Moms and 2 Dads, it's awesome. My grandparents call me Daughter, and told me they love us as their own child, not their grand kids. So you will love that child as if it was your bio child. Hang in there sweetheart, I know it's tough, but you are strong and can handle ANYTHING!! And I'm almost here for you, no matter what. Remember that.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I'm glad you posted this follow-up, I was going to make a comment on the previous post along the same lines of what you posted here but I was afraid of seeming insensitive to what you're going through...I never had any desire to get pregnant so I don't really know what you are feeling about this, but I'm glad you have support and can recognize the cycle of grief so you don't get stuck in it.
ReplyDeleteI think things would feel very different if I had already adopted. Or if there was any end in sight for my adoption wait. The door on any chance of ever becoming pregnant is closing. Now I need to rely on a birth mother choosing me, which feels like something that will never happen. I think this is just as much about me losing faith that my time will come.
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