Thursday, December 31, 2009

Middle Of The Night Panic

I had my first middle of the night "what the hell was I thinking, I can't believe I let them take my uterus and ovaries without a fight, now it's just in the hands of strangers choosing us which will never happen and we'll never be parents" panic moment.

At 1:30 in the morning I was all of a sudden convinced letting them take my uterus was my worst decision ever. That I should have thought about it longer. That I should have tried alternatives. The logical part of my brain was telling me I should just go back to sleep and that I would feel better about it in the morning. I finally gave in to the logic, and I did feel better about it in the morning.

I am sure there are many more of those moments to come. The physical part of the recovery has been dominating everything so far. I have a feeling I am going to be dealing with the emotional pain far longer than the physical pain I am feeling now.

1 comment:

  1. What alternatives?!? Like dying?? Don't get me wrong, I know I'd have the same freak out, but Lisa you made the right decision. God wants you around so you CAN be a mother when your kiddo comes along. Maybe this was His plan all along? Maybe you can think of it as being free from the wondering and worrying if your plumbing will ever work, now it no longer on the fence. You're going to get that call, saying you're going to be a mother, and now you'll be able to live a long and happy life doing just that :-)