I have been waiting to get the phone call letting me know there was a mistake, they were wrong, I am fine and don't need surgery.
But instead, I got the call today that after my oncology appointment tomorrow, I need to go to the hospital for blood work and a chest xray. Apparently that's normal pre-op stuff before major surgery.
This is really happening.
I get bad anxiety about normal doctor appointments, so tomorrow has me very scared.
Tomorrow I will be finding out what kind of hysterectomy I will need, which can make a big difference in recovery time. I will also find out whether I can keep my ovaries, how long I will have to be in the hospital after surgery, and what this all means for me long term.
There will probably be a lot of serious faces and uncomfortable situations. And answers to questions that I don't want to know the answers to.
I have not gone to sleep before midnight a single night since this all started. And I get up everyday between 5-6. I am sick. I am exhausted. I am scared.
I was hoping to sleep this afternoon for a couple hours, but right as I fell asleep, the phone rang and it was the oncology nurse. I have been thinking and worrying ever since then. Now it's time to go get the kids off the bus.