Best Day Ever or Sad Friday?

Today is either going to be the best day of my entire life or just another sad Friday.

When we were first starting this adoption journey someone told me that when you have been waiting a long time, you no longer get excited when you are profiled. That it is just a casual thing you mention to your husband hours later like you are telling him you stopped at the store that day. I have not found that to be true at all. Everytime we are profiled is a big deal. I call Adam at work immediately and I obsess about the details all day.

If we are chosen today, that means we will have a baby in just a few days. (The due date is Tuesday.) How can I just casually go about my day and not think about it?

I could not fall asleep last night. I was lying in bed making lists in my head. Lists of all the things we would need to do this weekend to prepare. All the wonderful things I have been waiting years to do.

When I woke up this morning, I obsessively looked through our profile over and over again. Deciding whether I would choose us. Crazy, huh?

I keep reminding myself that there are probably a lot of people being profiled for this case. People with awesome jobs, huge houses, and amazing vacation pictures. People way cooler than us. I am trying so hard to guard my heart.

Today would have been my Grandma's 80th birthday. We had a very close relationship and I miss her everday. Each time I saw her near the end of her life she would whisper in my ear that she wants me to have a baby. She had a stroke and wasn't doing well so it was hard for her to understand that we were trying our best. I wanted nothing more than to have her meet our baby. If she was here now, we would probably be having a celebration at her favorite Chinese restaurant tonight.

Adam and I have a rule that if we don't get chosen for a profiling, then we get Chinese food for dinner. We got Chinese take-out on our first date and it has become a comforting tradition to get us through this process. I don't have to cook while I am sad and we get to have a nice dinner together.

I hope we don't have Chinese tonight. Or, if we do, it's because of a celebration. It would be a pretty fun surprise to show up at my parents' house tonight with Chinese take-out and the best news ever.