32 Birthdays

Growing up, I had amazing birthdays. My parents had parties for me every year from the time I was one year old until I went away to college. Parties that all my friends loved coming to. We had so much fun. When I was in middle school and high school, my friends did such a good job at making my day special. I always had a decorated locker with crepe paper, signs, and balloons. Birthdays felt absolutely magical.

Then adulthood hits and everything just feels boring in comparison.

Then infertility hits and every birthday is a reminder of time passing. You are scared to death of getting older because you know it's a decline in your fertility. Not to mention just plain devestating that you aren't a mom yet. For the past few years, I have spent every birthday crying. I have not enjoyed a birthday in a long time. I have actually dreaded them.

Things feel a little different now.

Any chance of my fertility was wiped out with one surgery. So, this is no longer a countdown to all my eggs dying. They're gone.

It is still sad that I am having ANOTHER birthday without being a mom. I honestly didn't think that would happen.

BUT, I know I am going to be a mom this year.  I fully 100% believe that.

So, I can now say 32 is the age I will be when I become a mom.

That's pretty exciting, right?

We're being profiled for two babies. I woke up to twitter and facebook birthday messages that put a smile on my face. I think it might actually be okay to celebrate my birthday this year.

Of course a phone call with good news from the agency would make it even better....

;)