On Friday when we got the call about Nebraska, I felt all hope being ripped from me. It felt like a giant rubber stamp hit me in the forehead and labeled me "hopeless." I mean how many rejections can you experience before you just stop believing it will ever be a yes?
I am trying to find a silver lining in it all. Not having to drive so far away and pay all the extra out of state costs... but really it just sucks. And it hurts so bad. I spent the entire weekend grieving. I barely even tweeted, which is a sure sign of some serious depression. Saturday morning I forced myself out of bed to go out in the world and be a normal person, but it felt like I was walking around with this heavy blanket of sadness over me. I didn't leave the house again the rest of the weekend.
My Mom thinks I will feel better if I accept the fact that we have to renew and just do it. She is probably right. I'm going to hold out two more weeks for the miracle and then give in. Before we can send the check in, we need to talk to the bank about taking out another loan. I can't believe it has come to this. The extra fees that come with having a long wait have finally forced us into another adoption loan. I am hoping they agree to lend us more money or else we are in big trouble. I don't think the bank wants to witness the meltdown that will happen if they say no to us.
It's Meatless Monday.
We had leftover white rice from our depressing Chinese dinner Friday night (whenever we find out we are not chosen for a profiling, we order Chinese food) so we are having this:
I scrambled some eggs, added the rice, and then a can of peas.