Sunday, July 11, 2010

Why Waiting is Hard

If they would have told us two years ago that we had to wait two years and then we would get a baby, I honestly would have been okay with it.

I would have settled in for a long wait and kept busy.

It's not really the waiting that is hard. It's all the emotions and feelings that come with it.

It's knowing that you could get THE call anyday. It's always being on edge waiting for it.

It's also the ups and downs. The calls about being profiled and then the rejection phone call that devestates you. Or even when you go months without hearing anything. That's just as hard. You keep wondering if they forgot about you.

I think the hardest part is always wondering if you are doing something wrong. Like maybe you should have went with a different agency. Or done private advertising. Or did a better job making your profile.

My profile has been a source of major anxiety. When I first made it, I felt like it was great and expectant mothers would love it. I now feel like it's awful and I should be embarrassed of it. I've made changes over time, but we are still not being chosen. We're in the process of a big profile make-over with the help of a friend. Our agency has called to say we need to send more profiles soon. (Didn't we just make new copies?!?!)

We've basically spent the last two years feeling judged all the time. Judged by the social worker who does our home visits, our case worker at the agency, our agency in general, expectant mothers, other waiting adoptive couples, and even our own friends and family. The longer we wait, the more we feel like people are looking at us and wondering what is wrong with us.

Our family reunion is next weekend. Talk about feeling judged!

I am hoping the profile changes will make us feel better about it all and give us some renewed hope.

I just can't believe two years have gone by. That's a major portion of our lives spent on hold. And we are still waiting and wondering when it will happen for us.


  1. That is a long time wait, and I agree if someone could just tell us how long we'd need to wait, it would make it easier somehow. I hope your wait is not too much longer...

  2. Waiting is maddening ESPECIALLY when there's no end date. It's the "not knowing" that's so frustrating. I really wouldn't blame yourself though... or your profile... or anything like that. You can only deal with what you can control and it sounds like you guys have been doing all that you can, you've made some tweaks to your profile and you're in the game. I'm sure you're waiting won't last too much longer! -- Jay

  3. The waiting is definitely the worst part. I have said the same thing you just did - if they had told us it would be even FIVE years that would've been easier than never knowing when the call would come and always feeling on edge. I swear I have a mini-stroke every time my cellphone rings and the caller ID says "blocked." Too bad it's usually someone else!

    We'll get there.

  4. Oh, Lisa...your post makes me want to give you a giant hug! My husband and I are 2 1/2 years of TTC and while I also often feel judged by the outside world, I can only imagine that what you described is harder. And in any kind of process of trying to build a family, the waiting is the WORST! Let's say our prayers are answered and after 3 years, we get pregnant. If you had told me 3 years ago that in 3 years I'd be pregnant, I could have relaxed, enjoyed those years, and waited somewhat patiently. But it's the not knowing, you know? The uncertainty. It's hard.

    Lots of hugs to you! I really hope your time is soon!

  5. Two years is a long time waiting for a phone call. I hope that you get that phone call soon. I would love to read about your days as a new mom.

  6. I know, waiting has to be so hard when you know any day could be the day. When I think about's almost like you've spent these last two years in your 9th month of pregnancy, just waiting for the call and then it's go time. Bless your heart, BIG HUGS ALWAYS!

  7. I hope that the profile re-do helps you both get that call soon! What were some of the suggestions from the agency (sorry if it's personal, we're building our profile right now, and have gotten no guidance, just a list of what has to be included).

  8. I think people who really know you and Adam are actually judging the birth moms for not choosing you. At least that's who I judge.

  9. The waiting and the rollercoaster ride sound terrifying. I can't even imagine. Hang in there!!!