2 Years

Today makes exactly two years that we have been homestudy ready and waiting.

Last year when we renewed our homestudy there were some paperwork mix ups and delays so our homestudy doesn't expire this time until August 12. So, over the weekend we were working on our paperwork. As we were doing it, it hit me that if someone told me two years ago that we would be doing homestudy paperwork now, I would have assumed it was for baby number 2.

I can't believe how much time has gone by.

I remember when our social worker came last year she asked if we were upset we were still waiting and had to renew again. I said no (although I was), but that I would be upset if we we had to renew for a second time. Then we all laughed about how silly that thought is. Of course we wouldn't have to renew again. Well, here we are.

It's so frustrating that some people only have to wait a few months and others have to wait two years.

When we were trying to get pregnant, every step of the way, our situation hit the small odds of being the worst case scenerio. Every single time. If there was a 2% chance of having an allergic reaction to a fertility med, it would happen. Small chance of that allergic reaction turning into a systemic blood infection? Of course it did. Small chance of it then resulting in almost dying from blood loss? Of course it happened. My doctors regularly made jokes about how they should write a case study about me. I don't know why I ever thought the adoption process would be any different. Of course we would hit the small odds of waiting over two years, despite being told when we started that it would probably only be a few months. Most of the time I am numb to it, but when you hit milestones like today, you are forced to really think about it.

My heart hurts.

Why does my journey to motherhood have to be so hard when being a mom is the only thing I have ever really wanted my whole life?