I have not written in a week. That's a long time for me. I think one of the reasons is that I had a conversation with our case worker at our adoption agency and I felt bad afterwords, but didn't really have a way of putting into words why I felt that way.
She suggested I try doing private advertising and maybe contact an adoption lawyer. The conversation left me feeling like they were giving up on me. Like I am a lost cause. Luckily I came right out and asked if they were giving up on me, and she was quick to say no. She said she just wanted to offer other options. Things to do in addition to waiting with them.
She told me we were profiled for another baby and not chosen. She said she didn't call us because she is very worried about how hard this has been on us. Although she did say it's probably for the best because it's a risky situation that may not end in placement.
She then went and got a copy of our profile and we went over some ways we might want to change it. She had a couple good ideas.
I took a vacation from my problems for the long 4th of July weekend. I have 483 mosquito bites and a little sunburn. A sure sign of a good weekend! It was the first time in a long time that I spent a holiday weekend having fun and not being sad about being childless. We had plans everyday with people we really enjoy and it took my mind off of everything.
Now I am back to reality. I had trouble falling asleep because I was thinking about everything. We need to organize a fundraiser so we can renew our homestudy so I was making all sorts of crazy lists in my head. My brain didn't stop going a mile a minute until almost 2 AM.
Then this morning I found out someone using our agency lapped us. They adopted their first baby when we were starting our wait. They had only waited a very short time. When I heard they were starting the process again, I immediately thought about how devestated I would be if they adopted their second baby while we were still waiting. Sure enough, they did, and it really hurts.
Although I do feel absolutely beaten down by this process, I will never give up. This just gives me more motivation to make our profile better. I am excited about the changes we are making. More to come about that later!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
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I just don't understand what they think the issue is. I mean, making small changes to your profile could help... but are they just being nice and trying to keep you around longer?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Lisa. Maybe a ad in the paper would be a good addition... maybe you can find a Juno!
I agree, it is hard to understand why this is happening. The agency can see your profile, and the profile of the couple that has (sadly) lapped you. Do they see any glaring differences? Something that may be unknowingly moving you to the bottom of the pile for birthparents? I really hope the agency can give you some better advice on this.
ReplyDeleteI am still hoping things go your way sooner than later.
I'm so glad you were able to escape, if only for a little while. You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteThe whole process sounds so frustrating, but I love your attitude of never giving up, and I can't wait to hear about the changes you're going to make!
I should probably say, for the record, that there are other couples who have been waiting longer than us at the agency.
ReplyDeleteI would have the same question: Why didn't they make the change suggestions sooner? That doesn't seem very fair to wait until now to say something about it. Regardless, you have such a great attitude about this whole thing. You just keep plugging away and it gives me so much hope that one day we will all reach the happy ending to our journeys. I just hope yours comes very soon. You've been waiting so long and I don't know anyone more deserving.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to hear about these changes. Don't leave us hanging too long!
I definitely think it's a good idea to try something new, like an ad or something. So glad you're feeling hope!!!
ReplyDeleteYou amaze me and I admire you. Don't give up that hope. Frustrated with you that things aren't happening yet =(
ReplyDeleteHere with you my friend. *hugs*
Maybe check out Weebles Wobblog? I think Lori still helps couples with their profiles. (there's a link to her blog on mine if you don't already follow her.) I'm sorry it's taking so long and so frustrating to have your profile considered but not chosen time and time again.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the frustration that you are going through. I haven't been following your blog for long, but I was wondering if you have considered working with the foster care system while you are waiting?
ReplyDeleteThough I want to strangle your agency I guess maybe private advertising would pay off. A friend of mine did find a birthmom that way. However, she had a lot of supposed birthmom's who contacted them and strung them along. When my friend's attorney sent them paperwork to have their ob fill out- they never sent them back. I have to say that a lot of them started asking for money pretty early on. One offered to sale her newborn that was 8 days old for $15,000. So, if you do that please be careful. They did eventually really find a "real" birthmom and they did pay expenses for her but only after the attorney received the ob info back saying that she was in fact pregnant, hiv- and healthy. Keeping you in my prayers as well. If you would like to talk you can email me at christy22_78752@yahoo.com I would love to speak with you.
ReplyDeleteChristy
You're so amazing and so strong and the fact that you show a renewed enthusiasm is so fantastic. It's just yet ANOTHER reminder of how much your future baby is loved, and wanted. Your baby is going to be the luckiest baby in the world to have you as parents. Your baby will be so glad you never gave up...big hugs!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry hun. I wish your agency would work a little harder, or something! I hope that your time comes very soon.
ReplyDeleteI love how optimistic you are! Glad you were able to enjoy your 4th of July weekend and come back refreshed and renewed!
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I'm so sorry. For all of it.
ReplyDeleteHoping the changes make a BIG CHANGE and put a baby in your arms.
I'm frustrated for you....but I love the way you are hanging in..it just shows what an amazing mom you're going to be. :)
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. You could sign up with a private adoption consultant in addition to your agency. I've heard good things about adoptionadvertising.org (we used a different consultant group, but they don't do NY or I'd recommend them). This blogger http://finallyababyforus.blogspot.com/ signed up with a consultant and had a lot of success. I'm sure she would pass on the name.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry but I really hate your agency. They are doing nothing for you except taking your money! I definitely think you should look into other options like an adoption lawyer. Anyone would be better than this agency who just keeps you waiting. Sorry, but I'm just so angry for you!
ReplyDelete