Sunday, August 29, 2010

A Home Visit, Some Dead Fish, and a Squirrel

I thought I would feel a huge sense of relief after our social worker visit yesterday, but I really didn't.

I think I just felt sadness that we are still waiting with no end in sight.

While she was here, she said she has met with many couples who had to renew their homestudy a second time and they all got there babies within six months later. She said something like- if it doesn't happen within six months, I am sure it will be in the seventh or eighth month, hang in there. I know this was meant to reassure me and make me feel better, but all I could think about was how absolutely crushing it would be to live through another holiday season with no baby.

It made me think about Christmas in 2003 when I thought I was ovulating and was going to get pregnant on Christmas day. Every single Christmas from then on I was convinced we would have a baby the next year. Do you have any idea how many times I have gotten teary in hallmark looking at the Baby's 1st Christmas ornaments? It's 2010. I can't do it another year. This has to be it.

I also had a general feeling of shame and embarrassment that we are still waiting. It's hard to not feel bad about yourself when you wait a lot longer than the average waiting time. It's humiliating. The adoption process looks so easy for some people.

Of course I was feeling all these different emotions and Adam was just happy it was over and was getting ready to go to the Bills/Bengals football game with my uncle.

Before Adam left, I made him go over to the house of horrors to check on the fish. I have been having nightmares about it and could not bring myself to go over again. He came back and said another fish was dead and the water is a lot more murky than the day before. There are way too many fish in there and it's a really bad situation. They come home today and I am freaking out about their reaction. I did not sleep well last night. It's going to be so awkward.

After flushing another fish, Adam then came across a squirrel stuck in a volleyball net that was on the ground in another neighbor's yard. The poor little guy was all wrapped up in it and could not get out. He ran and got me and we were both watching as the squirrel tried over and over again to run away. I went in the house and got scissors and Adam put on gardening gloves so he could try and cut it out. He got it free, but the squirrel still had that part of the net wrapped around his tail and legs. We feel so bad for him and keep wondering if he is okay. I hope he was able to get himself free. Also, there is the issue of us cutting a neighbor's volleyball net. They weren't home so we couldn't ask them first. We didn't know what to do.

Basically, we might need to move after this week.


  1. You are right, adoption seems really easy when you hear about someone who has to wait like 3 weeks. With our program and agency we know pretty much how long we have to wait, but I get frustrated when I hear about other agencies whose Korea program moves twice as fast as ours.

    Do you live next door to *my* neighbors? We have a house of horrors (more than just the fish tank) next door to us too. And we had to feed their saltwater fish on several occasions. One day we found the the tank full of suds and the fish dead. Then one time a fish committed suicide on our watch. And another time when we were just getting the mail DH almost slipped on a fish on the floor that they had "lost track of" several weeks before. I told you it was a house of horrors...

    Glad you got your HS updated. At least you won't have to deal with that stress now.

  2. OMG, Lisa, that's a lot to take in b/t the social workers visit, the dead/dying fish, and the poor squirrel/volleyball net.

    The waiting is the hardest part and my heart really does go out to you. But, as hard as it is, try NOT to let your thoughts get too far ahead of you. I's not even September. And, while I know the thought of another holiday season still waiting is awful to consider, just know that when your child finds you s/he will be the EXACT child you were meant to have and all this waiting will have meant something.

    I'm sorry that it sucks.

  3. Oh my goodness...I almost can't help but laugh but I know it's not funny. I mean could you have anything else happen? The fish? The squirrel...what a nightmare! If it makes you feel any better; Once when I was house sitting for a week I had to take care of these two fish that were along in this HUGE tank. I did everything they told me to do, feed them once a day yada yada. Well, not only did one of the fish die when they were in my care but it was EATEN by the other fish. Yes, the whole tail end was chewed off by it's fellow fish. I felt mortified because of course the owners thought that I probably just didn't feed them at all so that's why one got hungry and ate the other...but I did feed them, I swear!

  4. The waiting is so hard! I hope you don't have to wait much longer.

  5. I really hope you have your baby home this Christmas!!! You deserve your family!!!

  6. I hope that you have a Christmas baby as well.

    If the fish tank is so full of fish maybe they won't notice a few missing ones.

    Glad that you have the HS over with now.

  7. *Hugs* You have had a rough week, sweetie. So glad at least your neighbors are coming home and you don't have to deal with the creepy fish anymore.

  8. *huge hugs* Have you talked to the neighbors since they got back? They better not have said anything negative to y'all! It's their fault for having so many fish in a too small tank. And I'm sure Mr. Squirrel is safe and happy and telling all his squirrel friends about the kind hearted people that save him <3