Monday, July 26, 2010

2 Years

Today makes exactly two years that we have been homestudy ready and waiting.

Last year when we renewed our homestudy there were some paperwork mix ups and delays so our homestudy doesn't expire this time until August 12. So, over the weekend we were working on our paperwork. As we were doing it, it hit me that if someone told me two years ago that we would be doing homestudy paperwork now, I would have assumed it was for baby number 2.

I can't believe how much time has gone by.

I remember when our social worker came last year she asked if we were upset we were still waiting and had to renew again. I said no (although I was), but that I would be upset if we we had to renew for a second time. Then we all laughed about how silly that thought is. Of course we wouldn't have to renew again. Well, here we are.

It's so frustrating that some people only have to wait a few months and others have to wait two years.

When we were trying to get pregnant, every step of the way, our situation hit the small odds of being the worst case scenerio. Every single time. If there was a 2% chance of having an allergic reaction to a fertility med, it would happen. Small chance of that allergic reaction turning into a systemic blood infection? Of course it did. Small chance of it then resulting in almost dying from blood loss? Of course it happened. My doctors regularly made jokes about how they should write a case study about me. I don't know why I ever thought the adoption process would be any different. Of course we would hit the small odds of waiting over two years, despite being told when we started that it would probably only be a few months. Most of the time I am numb to it, but when you hit milestones like today, you are forced to really think about it.

My heart hurts.

Why does my journey to motherhood have to be so hard when being a mom is the only thing I have ever really wanted my whole life?

24 comments:

  1. I don't know either, but it doesn't seem fair. I keep you in my prayers all the time. Love you to pieces...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel for you! I am doing a mini-feature on you today! Come by to check it out! HUGE HUGS!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so sorry this has taken so long - it's not fair at all. Thinking of you today.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I often feel the way you do...if anything can go wrong, it will. It's so incredibly frustrating. I am so sorry that you've been waiting as long as you have. You deserve better than having to wait all this time!!

    (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love you and I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. It's completely unfair.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say but I am practically speechless.

    I know in my heart that someday, hopefully soon, you will be a mom.

    *hugs* and more *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  7. How frustrating for you!! I think it may be time to move the elephant to someone else's house. He's not helping!! Seriously, my heart goes out to you. Hopefully, this is that low point just before everything starts to go your way. Sending you a virtual hug!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm so sorry you're at this kind of an anniversary. I seriously don't understand why having a child is so hard.

    Hugs to you!

    ~Happy ICLW~

    ReplyDelete
  9. I truly hope this is the last 'anniversary' for you and that your little one is in your arms soon. One day you will be able to tell him or her that they were worth the wait. x

    ReplyDelete
  10. i'm so sorry! :( hugs and bigger hugs...hope your wait comes to end really soon!

    *iclw*

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm just stopping in for the first time through
    ICLW. I'm so very sorry that your journey is taking so long! I hope your wait comes to a happy end very soon! (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  12. *huge hugs* I hope that you don't have ot renew again next year <3

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anniversaries are a hard time. I am so sorry you need to be in the minority for this too... I will send up some extra prayers and vibes today that you aren't waiting much longer.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm so sorry Lisa...it's just not fair. Words don't help but I wanted to send some hugs, and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  15. many many many hugs....words are so bad at telling you to keep HOPE in your heart and in your life, you WILL be a mom!!!! However, I know that when you are in the midst of it, it is the hardest thing to live through.

    HUGS

    ReplyDelete
  16. My heart breaks for you...all I can say is when it's your turn, it will all feel worth it. Every last minute of waiting....

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so sorry that your wait has been incredibly long. I say a prayer for you every time I open your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lisa..I am so sorry that you have had to wait for so long! I hope it's not too much longer!!! Hugs!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. i am very sorry for this painful road that you are on.
    i hope the sun is shining for you up ahead.
    wishing the best to you.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Good question. Why is it so hard to become a mom? Believe me it's one question I ask god every day. I just keep believing he's going to answer me soon.

    I hope your question is answered very soon/

    ReplyDelete
  21. So sorry you are still waiting. Waiting is the worst part of all of our journeys. I hope this will be a great year for you. Thinking of you!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. So sorry. Wish I knew just what to say to help ease your pain. {{hugs!}}

    All the best,
    Pixie--
    Cheese Curds and Kimchi

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm sure you've thought of this before, but have you thought about switching agencies? Perhaps it's a problem with their program vs. something that you are doing. The agency I used to adopt my daughter is always looking for families, as are many others. It is a matter of finding the "right" situation, but maybe a new agency would be a fresh start.

    Hang in there!
    Shawna

    ReplyDelete